Sherrie's Blogology...

New York State Of Mind...

2010-10-25T16:27:00.002-05:00

Today is "that day." October 25th. How do I feel about it? I really don't know.

I remember that first October 25th after "it" happened. I relived every moment. I remembered how Paul told me Melanie was "gone" and how I had to tell my parents and brothers. I remember the look on my mother's face and her horrifying cry. I remember my Dad grabbing his chest and his look of such hurt and anguish. I remember falling down in the yard and throwing up. I relived it all.

I remember the second October 25th. When October 1st rolled around, I started dreading "that day." I learned that year that the dread of the day is worse than the actual day itself.

I remember the third and fourth October 25th's. I was prepared for it...knew how I was gonna' feel and knew the right words to say when people asked how I was doing.

Then...there's the fifth October 25th. And...I really don't know how I feel about it. This one is so different for me. I'm in a different state with different people at a different church and in different weather. Everything's just...different. I feel different. I look different. Even the word "different" is starting to sound different.

Years ago, Mel moved to Pittsburgh to work at a newspaper. She moved there knowing no one, with no one, and having no place to live. After spending a few days with her in an unsuccessful effort to help her find an apartment, my parents and I left her at a hotel and headed back to Alabama. I'll never forget turning around, waving, and crying. I watched her until I could no longer see her hand waving. The look on her face...it was one of complete fear, excitement, and accomplishment.

Melanie wasn't afraid of anything...except spiders.

One day, she was walking through my parents' living room and came to a sudden halt...her eyes crossed. She was face-to-face with a spider who was all balled up and dangling from the ceiling fan. Melanie screamed in complete terror. If you've ever heard her squeal, you understand how loud it was. Apparently, spiders can hear 'cause this one starting wiggling its legs and trying to get away. I think the spider was more scared than she was. Realizing she "owned" the situation, Mel stood there and screamed over and over and over just to torture it.

Melanie was single and way overweight. She started most of her newspaper jobs (Decatur, Florence, Pensacola, USA Today, Pittsburgh, Knoxville, and Columbus) not knowing one person. The odds were stacked against her most times, but she walked in with her head held high and left there owning every situation. People fell in Love with her everywhere she went.

I used to think Melanie and I were a lot alike. During this move, I've realized how far beneath her I am. I think she'd be extremely proud of me for stepping out and leaving my comfort zone, but I think she'd be completely disappointed with my attitude and my fear.

For years, I've put my life on hold waiting for that "that guy." I've complained for a long, long time about feeling alone, worthless, etc. I seem to be really good at feeling sorry for myself...looking at what I DON'T have rather than what I DO have. Melanie felt those same feelings, but she sure didn't waste a lot of time getting down and out about it. She made the most of EVERY situation. I...do not.

Five years and one day ago, we had our last phone conversation. During that conversation, she convinced me to move to Columbus, GA. That day, she begged me to pursue my dreams and quit putting my life on hold. We talked about living so close to each other...going places and doing things together. We were both so excited, laughing so hard, and squealing so loud. During that conversation, she convinced me I could do and be anything, go anywhere, and accomplish anything I wanted to accomplish. During that conversation, I felt like my life was about to change forever.

So...here it is five years later. I haven't forgotten that conversation. I haven't forgotten that feeling...that excitement...that confidence...that boldness.

Melanie...I'm listening. I'm doing it. I remember your voice...I remember your words.

"Only you can make the decision to truly live. Only you can decide to live the life you were intended to live...and with all the potential you were intended to live it with."

Okay, Mel...let's do this.

Epiphany...

2010-03-26T11:43:00.005-05:00

There's something about coming to a place in life where you realize who you are and who you are not.

There's something about realizing that anything is possible if the mindset is right.

And...there's something about remembering how big the world is. It's much bigger than just one person, one family, one church, one organization...one anything. No ONE thing should dictate a mood, a hurt, or a day.

There's also something about eyes being opened to understand that presence of absence (if that makes any sense) can be a good thing.

There's something about knowing deep down that the only things needed are food, water, shelter, and clothing...and a relationship with Christ. Nobody "needs" anybody...we want them.

Without going into great detail and without repeating previous posts...I'm beginning to feel like a rather different person these days...inside and out. I don't know why and I don't fully understand it, but...it's as if a light has just popped on in my head. Geez...I'm only 34! It's about time!

I've been wrapped up in a few things, people, issues, concerns...just "stuff." One of the MAJOR problems I have is internalizing things, taking things too personal, and making it about "me." I can't believe I'm saying this, but...it's REALLY not about ME! WHAT?! HAHA! (just kiddin')

I constantly overanalyze, overly criticize myself (and others), and I reach a point of hurt way too quickly. I TRULY, TRULY believe it's because I've had ZERO confidence in myself.

I've been "sweatin' the small stuff" WAY WAY WAY too much...in EVERY area. Maybe I've reached this point 'cause I'm simply tired! My mind is tired! I see one small thing, think about it for a while, then it just gets bigger and bigger in my mind.

Proverbs 17:14, "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so, drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." (New International Version)

Hey, Sherrie...LET IT GO! Daggum...I gotta' just LIVE. Have fun!

Here it is...I have made life difficult most times for no other reason but ME.

I'm beginning to realize I can do anything I want to do. I don't need anybody's permission or anybody's belief. I can do it on my own.

(for the overly Spiritual out there who are gearing up to call me out...God IS and understood here)

Obviously, everybody wants close friends, encouragement, and accountability. However, it is NOT someone else's responsibility how far I go, if I reach my goal, or to keep me happy. I've used a lot of excuses and crutches in my life...I can come up with a million of 'em.

Maybe I'm behind the times and perhaps this is something you've learned long ago. It's something I've always known, but something I never lived.

So...for those in my far and recent past whom I have depended on too much, talked about my "issues" with too much, sucked the life out of too much, worn out my welcome with, and disappointed too much...I absolutely, totally, and 100% apologize. I don't need you anymore. I want you.

I can do this life thing. I want to do it.

Deep Thoughts by Sherrie Hiett...

2010-01-13T13:10:00.005-06:00

DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING WORDS MAY NOT MAKE A LICK OF SENSE TO ANYONE READING AND--IF THEY DO MAKE SENSE--MAY CAUSE SEVERE BRAIN OVERLOAD.

Been thinkin' a lot about 2009. It's a year I would rather forget in many respects. I understand we learn from our mistakes and they make us a better person and we should never regret anything and they'll only make us stronger...blah blah blah. BUT...I'd still like to take a giant eraser and make some memories a complete blank.

I experienced a lot of "firsts" last year (not one "first" in particular, so...get your mind out've the gutter, please). I did a lot of things, said a lot of things, went to a lot of places, and reached a lot of low's I never thought I would or could. I became a person I didn't even know...and I never want to know again.

2009 = Humbling...

I did, however, come to a lot of conclusions during those twelve long, weird, exciting, terrible, wonderful, awkward, stupid months. A lot of what I experienced emotionally probably just comes with age, I'm sure. True self-discovery is never easy, I've learned. It's a process that takes a toll on the emotions...and on the body. My mental state completely affected my physical health. The Word says in Proverbs 17:22, "...a broken spirit drains your strength."

I resolved that I am who I am...and that's not a bad thing. I Love deeply, I'm shy at times and outspoken at times, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I'm "Sappy McFlappy," I Love encouraging others and helping them see there's a beauty in their past no matter what they've done, and...I'm a work in progress.

I Love people, but find I judge too harshly when I shouldn't judge at all. I do the things I don't want to do and don't do the things I know I should. Though I don't want to be, I find I'm double-minded in some areas. I know my marriage is in God's Hands and timing, but I'm lonely and almost hurt/mad at God for making me wait. I believe completely in the Lord's unconditional Grace and Mercy for others, yet feel everyday I've been a huge disappointment to Him. I believe there's a beauty in vulnerability, but so afraid people won't Love me once they truly know me.

WHEW!!!!!

All of the above came crashing down on me in 2009 and--quite frankly--I thought I was going crazy. Here I am...raised in a wonderful Christian home, attended a Christian university, a degree in Christian Education, went to Seminary, in Ministry since 16, counseled people on the very things I've dealt with and feeling, a Praise and Worship leader...and I'm going through THIS?! Shouldn't I know better? Shouldn't my Prayers for Peace be working? Is my Faith in God not strong enough to overcome all these thoughts/feelings/hurts/anger/confusion?

All those question and yet...He is still God. He is still Peace. He is still Love, Grace, Mercy, Deliverance, Refuge, Help, and Comfort. Despite what I'm feeling...He still "is."

So...I learned I'm not gonna' figure it out, I'm not gonna' understand, and I'm not gonna' control God. And...I rested. I'm still learning to rest. Do I still think about those things at times? Heck, yes...and I'm sure I will continue to do so. It's human nature.

I was having Faith in my Faith...not Him. I was having Faith in my Prayers...not Him. My focal point was my Faith. My Faith is MINE...not His.

I have placed God in a "Sand Mountain box." What I learned here about God must be true everywhere...right? Wrong. Thanks to a few people (and you know who you are) and "The Shack," my mind has seemed to open up a little on...well...everything. Of course, I still hold true to some very strict convictions that will never change. Those gray areas...they're a bit different now. God is an Absolute...no doubt in my mind about that. However, He reaches everyone in such a different, new, fresh, amazing, unconventional ways.

I've realized Christianity--though It should be the least selfish of all religions--is the most self-consumed organizations in the world. Perhaps I'm speaking based on my own inner discoveries...very possible. If that's the case, I'll continue by speaking in first person, as to not offend or assume.

It seems I've been so concerned with His plan for MY life, ME making it to Heaven, giving so I'LL reap the benefit, wanting to feel His Presence to make ME feel better, giving because it makes ME feel good. Human nature? I'm sure a lot of it is. I do believe, though, that it's the American church (notice the lower case "c") that teaches that mentality. My walk with Christ has been nothing but vertical when it should be more horizontal. Serve Him through serving others.

Less stuff. Less space. More life.

The world is bigger than MY world. God is bigger than MY God. He is more Gracious and Loving than MY God. I feel like I've just met Jesus again in many respects.

I won't dare make a New Year's resolution. I won't dare presume to know what 2010 holds. I do know that I won't be sittin' on my tail waiting for things to come to me. I do know I'm going to be more proactive in this world...making a difference, inspiring others to do so, and offering Hope to those around me.

I just want to "be." Be me.

My Mel...

2009-10-25T14:23:00.003-05:00

"Lobster?!" "I want my doll!" "LEVEL 20!" "That ain't no house..." "You'll always be my firstborn."

I know...those phrases don't mean a thing to anybody else, but they mean the world to me. Melanie and I had a million inside jokes...I guess that's just what sisters do. We were so different, yet seemed to know exactly what the other was thinking at any given time. Just a look would do it and we'd both crack up laughing.

Christmas 2004...we were all at Mom and Dad's house. Keith and Debbie in the sunroom. Franklin and Paige in my bedroom. Mel and Paul in the back bedroom. The kids sleeping in the basement. Then...there's me. I always got the couch. Most everybody was in the bed and I was about to pass out. Melanie (being the night owl she was) was still up watching television. On her way to bed, she stopped by the couch, knelt down by the couch, grabbed my hands, looked at me very intently and said with tears in her eyes, "Let me tell you something...you will always be my firstborn. I did everything but give birth to you. I Love you more than you'll ever understand and you make me so proud."

There are moments that seem to freeze in time...moments that will forever be etched in one's memory. I will never forget that moment. I'll never forget the look in her eyes, the way she was holding my hands, the intensity of her words...I could feel her heart. Through the tears in my eyes, I memorized her face...her eyes...

Melanie couldn't have children. She and Paul tried for years...tried everything. She and I even talked about me being a surrogate mother...and we were both extremely serious about it. Being 13 years older than me, she always "mothered" me...and she was always the one I went to for everything. She was the family mediator..."the boss." She started and ended conversations...always had the last word. ;-) She was the typical "oldest child"...and was the best at it. None of us ever fell through the cracks. Me, Keith, and Franklin...we were right under her wing. She would have it no other way.

When someone's missing a body part, it's obvious. It's very visible that a part of them isn't there. Probably a horrible analogy, but it's the best I've got...a large part of me has been gone for four years. It wasn't something I expected...not something I was prepared for. In a heartbeat, our whole world changed. Time definitely makes it more manageable, but it doesn't make the emotional and physical hurt go away. I'll never be 100% again...

I've struggled the past four years with a few things. When someone asks how many brothers and sisters I have...what do I say? Not too long ago, someone asked how Melanie was doing. What's the best way to handle that and not bust into tears? Is it okay to tell stories about her, to talk about things she taught me, to mention her in conversation? Is it bad that it's still difficult to refer to her in past tense...or that I still say, "The day everything happened" or "When we lost Melanie..." Is it bad that four years have passed and it gets more difficult as time goes by?

My parents work on the Emmaus Walk...coming back from one today. Before they left, my Mom called me and said one of the ladies that would be at her table had a daughter who passed away suddenly in March. I asked her if she was okay with that...if she would be okay handling that situation. She said, "Absolutely. I'm absolutely fine in being able to Minister to her. I know how the Lord has given me strength and I'm absolutely happy to share that with another who has experienced such a loss." Her response really didn't surprise me at all. I've seen the true strength of a mother through her these past years. She worked on an Emmaus Walk about three months after losing Melanie and did the same thing...Ministered to a lady who had just lost her child. My mother...her strength never ceases to amaze me.

Been through a lot these past four years...emotionally and physically. The world has changed a lot since 2005. I would give anything to know what her brilliant and outspoken mind would be thinking and saying about all these changes. She would be on the edge of her seat waiting to talk some politics and put people in their place. She'd be sick of Rush, hating some FOX News, and probably diggin' some Obama.

To those around me a lot...I'm sorry if I bore you with Melanie stories (although...there was absolutely nothing about her that was boring). She's just a part of who I am...always will be. She helped shape and form me for 29 years...my sister, second mother, mentor, best friend, and hero.

I don't understand why we lost Melanie. I've never seen--and may never see--one good thing that has come from it. I've gone through different seasons of grief...maybe I always will. I'm not sure. I do, however, know I've experienced our Father in a completely different way. I was very hurt and angry at God for a time after losing her, but I never doubted my Faith...I just found Him in a new way.

Losing Melanie was the defining moment in my life. I'm choosing to move forward in my Faith...and taking her with me. No one...absolutely no one...will ever come close to her in my eyes. I didn't deserve her...the world didn't deserve her. I'm excited knowing I will be with her again...forever. I'm homesick now more than ever.

I Love you, Mel...

The Present...

2009-07-31T14:56:00.003-05:00

Sittin' at the crib, sippin' on a cold Diet Dr. Pepper, crunchin' on a chocolate rice cake with peanut butter on top, and watchin' Kitty and Gracie play with chew toys and chase each other's tails. Life is...sweet.

Thinkin' about a lot of random things right now: what an amazing, wonderful, beautiful, merciful, and Loving God I serve...how Blessed I am, yet so undeserving of every single thing He's allowed me to have...how my biggest hurt and complaint pales in comparison to the real issues numerous people deal with...and how I believe the Lord is teaching me how to chill the heck out. ;-)

It's becoming more and more clear to me how hard I've been on myself these past several years. There's no way I've judged anybody as much as I've judged myself...no way I've punished anybody as much as I've punished myself. For years and years, I've held myself in the lowest of esteems...treated myself as if I'm the most horrible person on the planet. I'm not sure it's so much of a reflection of what I've felt about me as it is how I've viewed God. It's a bit ironic how I've sang about, counseled on, and told others about God's boundless Love, yet all I've pictured Him as in my life is a stern Judge.

These past few months have been a joyous uncomfort in my life. To most, that phrase would be a blatant oxymoron. To me, however, it is a wonderful reality. I've gone through some trying moments in figuring out what I believe and why I believe it...the things I consider "wrong" versus the things my culture/environment have labeled as "sin." Quite honestly, I'm still figuring those things out...and I've come to the conclusion it's probably going to be a lifelong process. I'm okay with that. We were designed to continually learn, change, grow, and respond.

The world stretches a lot wider and longer than my tiny little corner. Never meaning to and certainly never intentionally, I've placed God in this small little box and have seen what's "right" and "wrong" as viewed by the culture and people I'm surrounded by. There are Biblical truths and personal convictions I refuse to compromise. However, I'm believing--and learning to believe more and more--that God's Grace, Mercy, and Love runs a lot deeper, stronger, and more powerful than I've ever imagined...ever could imagine. He's not a set of rules or laws I have to live by. Rather, He's a Love I can live in, follow, imitate, and grow in.

So, yeah...I'm learning to lay a lot of stuff down. Most of all, I'm discovering that I'm not really that bad of a person! I've got some stuff to offer. Some people reading may interpret that one statement as a bit bragadocious, but...I don't care. If you only knew where I've been, what I've thought about myself, how I've treated myself over the years...you'd be a bit more Forgiving of that sentence.

I embrace my past, for I know it's what has shaped every part of who I am. I'm excited about my future 'cause I know and understand Who's there, Who is planning it, and Who has gone before me. While keeping those two tenses in mind and thankful for both, I must say...I'm finally at Peace with the "now" and learning more and more to enjoy it...

He is God I Am...forever living in the present, so that's where I want to remain.

Mr. Ables...

2009-04-18T12:07:00.002-05:00

So I found out early this morning that one of my favorite teachers, a dear friend, and a Geraldine school legend passed away. Mr. Martin Ables...a name extremely familiar to so many in and beyond DeKalb County.

I've always known him...he's been like a family member to the Hiett family. Absolutely could NOT wait to have him as a teacher...he was legendary. His room was the coolest, his style of teaching was the most unique, and his passion for education was beyond belief. Two of my favorite things about his classroom: the library loft he built in the back and the mannequin standing beside his door. We always knew by how the mannequin was dressed what we would be learning that day. He had an outfit for everything.

I LOVED taking tests in his room (I know...sounds crazy) 'cause he always played classical music on the tape player (wow...a long time ago...TAPE player!). I can't remember how many times my eye was almost put out from him calling out our names and slinging our report cards at us. That was the ONLY thing exciting about report card day...it definitely wasn't because of my grades!

Perhaps my all-time favorite memory at Geraldine school was the hike we took to the mill, which would later become his house. The whole sixth grade class walked from the school, through the woods, and all the way to the place he was remodeling so he could live in it. He'd stop us along the way and show us a random plant or give us a brief history lesson on a random building we passed. He had a vision. WE didn't see it at the time...too much bird poop and lots of rotted wood. But, man...Mr. Ables was passionate about it. One of the coolest things at that time was in his sunroom. The cement had five minutes to dry and he had the sudden and brilliant idea to carve out a sun. Perfection. It looked amazing...still does.

He brought everything to life...made learning and being creative fun. He made me wanna' stay in the sixth grade forever just to be in his class again and again.

That house...MAN! That house!!!!! What a landmark in Geraldine...in DeKalb County. He brought the world to that house. It might be from a vase he bought in Italy or a random and unique clock he spotted and bought for a dollar at a yardsale. No matter where it came from, he made it the coolest thing ever. He opened that house up to so many...one being my family for my sister's wedding reception. Couldn't have gotten any better than that day and couldn't have meant more to the family knowing it was at Mr. Ables' house.

What a friend. What a servant. What an educator. What a passionate heart for the things of the world. What a MIND!!!!!

He had this crazy ability to take something someone would discard or count as useless trash and turn it into something priceless. I should know...he did that with me and about a thousand other students passing through his class.

I can't help but be jealous of him today. First and foremost, he is at the feet of our Father...and I know Jesus is smiling on him today. And...he's hugging my sister right now. Wow...what great friends they were!!!!! How hilarious they were together!!!!! They should've written a book...I'm convinced. Such a bittersweet feeling right now.

So many memories. So many laughs. So many teachable moments. So many times sitting at his house, playing cards, laughing at crazy random stuff, and leaving his house feeling as if I just had a valuable and inspiring moment.

Mr. Ables...thank you. You were and forever will be greatly Loved and appreciated for everything you were to so many. Such a man of character and integrity. Your legacy will be carried on through every student you had. You didn't just teach us, you inspired us.

Enjoy your new life. Can't wait to see you again. Please give my Melanie a big hug and tell her I'll be there soon.

I Love you...

Alright...

2009-03-30T11:28:00.003-05:00

So...just gonna' lay out some things I've been feeling the past week or so. May not be Theologically, emotionally, or grammatically correct, but it's just how I'm feeling these days...

I'm working in a job where I see so many people with such hurt and hopelessness. Almost everyday, I hear another story of abuse, neglect, sadness, and ignorance. People come in my office or court and I can see it in their eyes...they're hurting. Whatever issue has plagued them throughout their life, it has been the stumblingblock that has somehow prevented them from reaching their potential.

These people come in my office and sit across from me...each one telling a different story of abandonment, loss, fear, etc. Some anger me. Some break my heart. Some amaze me. I always have Christian music playing in the background...always just loud enough for them to hear. I have to print lots of papers and leave the room to go to the printer. I Pray each time I leave that some sort of phrase will catch their attention...some words of Hope will flood their mind and the Lord will replay it continuously in their hearts. At some point during each case appointment, I try to make really good eye contact just to let them know someone IS listening...someone DOES care. Each time I look at them, I can't help but think, "What could they have been? What will become of them after they leave here? Can I speak just one word of Peace or Comfort that will somehow change their whole frame of mind and life?"

The adults hurt my heart, but it's the children they bring in that absolutely rip my heart apart. Some are infants...some are toddlers. Whatever the case, I Pray silently over them as I look at their faces and into their eyes. "Lord...please send someone to guide them to You."

Over the years, I've had the privilege of sitting down and talking with numerous people about issues in their life. Maybe it's relationship issues. Maybe it's financial issues. Perhaps it's self-esteem issues. Whatever that "thing" is, it has stopped them in their tracks and they can't seem to move forward. It's this momentary pause that can last for years--even a lifetime--for people.

My heart is breaking for people. I literally hurt at times for those who have never had someone in their life to speak words of encouragement. There are those who've been walking the Earth for years upon years and have no idea what they're here for, what they were created for, what their gifts are, and how important they are.

I know words of encouragement can't take away the pain people have experienced in their lives. I'm not naive enough to think it's the one thing that can push people into their destiny and purpose. However, I am saying it could be enough to change the way they think about themselves...to plunge them into a life of Hope. HOPE...a four letter word that could alter the whole course of a life, yet so many don't know about.

It's amazing what a hug can do for someone. A "good game," high five, pat on the back, a "good job,"...gosh...anything to make someone smile. Anything to get someone through the day. Anything to make someone know they're WORTH something.

Yes...I want to be married. Yes...I want to have children. My deepest desire is to have my own family. However, I feel the Lord speaking something deep in my spirit telling me to simply Love people. I don't care what you've done. I don't care where you've been. I don't care what religion you are, if you hate religion period, what denomination you choose, what doctrine you believe, or if you flat out hate me. Love. If it takes me remaining single the rest of my life to show just one person how much they're worth in the eyes of the Father...I'll do it.

I Peter 4:8 (The Message)...

"Everything in the world is about to be wrapped up, so take nothing for granted. Stay wide-awake in Prayer. Most of all, Love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anythnig. Be quick to give a meal to the hungry, a bed to the homeless--cheerfully. Be generous with the different things God gave you, passing them around so all get in on it: if words, let it be God's words; if help, let it be God's hearty help. That way, God's bright Presence will be evident in everything through Jesus and He'll get all the credit as the One mighty in everything--encores to the end of time."

My goodness...what Words!!!!! The past few days have brought an unexpected renewal in my passion for Jesus. My deepest Prayer is that someone could see just one ounce of resemblance of the Father in me. That someone--somehow and in some way--could see just a hint of Jesus in my life so that they can know Him. My heart has softened in His Presence...in His Glory. My God...how great You are!!!!!

Find what you're good at. Use it to further the Kingdom of God. Acts 10:38 says, "Jesus went about doing good." That's the key...do "good" everywhere you go. You never know what one act or phrase of kindness will do for someone. Show one person their worth and they can change the world around them.

Joint Camp...

2009-01-30T12:00:00.004-06:00

My Mom had knee replacement a few weeks back (1/26/09). Before having the surgery, she had to go to--what the doctors call--"Joint Camp." Yeah...I laughed everytime I heard her say, "The other day at Joint Camp..." I'd bust out laughing.

These past few years have been pretty tough on her...and us. Her limp has gradually gotten worse, standing up became exhausting for her, and sitting down was painful just to watch. I can't imagine what she felt.

I remember my Grandfather (her Dad) spraying WD-40 on his knees to make them "work better." He didn't smell the best in the world, but he said it did the trick! Arthritis seems to be a plague in my family. Mom often says in reference to arthritis, "I hate Arthur. I just hate him."

So, she FINALLY made the decision to have her sixty something year old knee replaced. For her, she was both excited and nervous. For me, it was a mixture of excitement, relief, and fear...fear of something tragic happening in surgery and losing my hero. BUT...I knew her life was in our Father's Hands. I had to trust Him.

My Mom...she's a tender warrior. May not make sense to anybody else, but it sure does to me. I look at her and want to treat her with such fragile hands, but I forget what a fighter she is. I forget what this woman has been through...

Con-Con and Daddywood...those were her parents...my grandparents...and the most wonderful and hilarious people on the face of the planet. Before I go on, I gotta' explain the names. I'm sure there are some really weird faces being made right now after reading those names. It's all my oldest cousin's fault. Liz apparently couldn't pronounce "Grandmother Conner" or "Granddaddy Norwood" (yes...his name was Frank Norwood) correctly, so she invented the names "Con-Con" and "Daddywood." And no...Con-Con had no idea what that word means in Spanish and we never told her. ;-)

They weren't the richest in the world, but they weren't the poorest, either. After experiencing the Great Depression, they both learned to hold on to every nickel and dime they could get their hands on, as well as every piece of cloth and material 'cause Con-Con could sew like nobody's business. They knew how to stretch things to the limit. Daddywood worked so hard out in the fields...and he made everybody else do the same. Mom tells stories of picking cotton and staying out from sun up to sun down no matter how hot or cold it got...stories I just Love to hear because it reminds me all over again how strong my mother is.

Getting married at 19, having their first child by 20...and living with my Dad's parents. Knowing Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw, I'm sure that wasn't the easiest of times, either. They were amazing people, but they were just as tough as Con-Con and Daddywood.

At 21, they had another child...named him Chris. This birth, however, wasn't as joyous as their first. Chris was born dead. Not having the equipment they do today, there was no way for them to know he had been dead for a day or so. My Mom tells the story and it breaks my heart. She had no idea until after she gave birth and woke up from them putting her under that her child didn't make it. She watched from the hospital room as they carried Chris to the grave site...the doctors wouldn't release her to go. Perhaps what breaks my heart the most is when she talks about sharing a room with a woman who was nursing her newborn child...hearing the baby cry and listening to the mother talk to her baby...and the whole time my Mom was grieving over losing her's. Ugh...I can't imagine.

About 15 years later and four kids more, my parents had to file for bankruptcy. My Dad farmed, but no farmer could survive during those droughts. The government eventually forgave those debts due to so many farmers losing everything. My Mom taught piano and voice lessons. She had 50 to 60 students a week...and taking care of four kids, all of which played basketball, volleyball, softball, in the band, and involved in all the clubs. Whew...how did she do it?!

She led Worship at my home church, as well...still does! Been doing that for close to 40 years now, I think. She was a wife, a mother of four, taught 50 to 60 students a week, and arranged all the music for their choir and the children's Ministry...and my parents never missed any of our games. Good grief. No wonder she's crazy. ;-)

During my tenth grade year, a lot happened at my church...went through some extremely bad times. My Mom worked the hardest to be the Peacemaker, yet got attacked the most. I can remember those times...she felt so alone and cried everyday. It was horrible. It's so amazing, though...those same people have come back so many years later and apologizing every chance they get. God is Good...He takes care of everything.

October 25, 2005...the absolute worst day of our lives...the day I lost my sister. She was the oldest child...my parents had her when they were 19. She and my Mom weren't just mother/daughter...they were best friends. They grew up together. My parents...their Faith would not be shaken. Yeah...we still cry. Yeah...my Mom has her days when she questions and becomes a bit angry. We all do.

My sister and her husband and child lived in Columbus, GA...had been there for five years. We lost her on Tuesday and we had the first visitation in Columbus on Thursday. My goodness...what a crowd to pay their respects. Close to 700 came. I sat and cried most of the night. My Mom...she stood and shook every hand and hugged every neck. That Saturday, we had the final visitation and funeral in Geraldine. We were exhausted...physically, emotionally, and Spiritually. Close to 800 came that day. My Mom never sat down. With two bad knees and on the edge of collapsing from such grief, she stood and did it again...hugged every neck...shook every hand...heard every story. She did it for Melanie. Now...that's a Mom.

Every Christmas and a million people in the house...my Mom lives in that kitchen. No matter how bad her knees got and no matter how bad, sick, or exhausted she felt...she was making EVERYBODY'S favorite meals and desserts...from scratch. By the end, she would be so exhausted, but it didn't matter. She would do it all over again. She gives every bit of herself in every situation and cares nothing about getting anything in return. That's just the way she is.

I could go on and on about her...how strong, courageous, amazing, and Loving she is. She is the Proverbs 31 woman...such a woman of God. Her character, intergrity, and her passion for Christ blows me away. There is not one person that could say any negative word about her. If you meet her for only five minutes, you've been impacted and changed forever.

So many people approach me and say, "Sherrie...you come from good roots. You can't get any better than your parents." Don't I know it! The older I get, the more I understand what amazing people they are. I often tell people I was raised in the "Beaver Cleaver" home. My Dad...I Pray to marry a man just like him. My Mom...I want to be exactly who she is. If I can be close to half of what they are, I'll be doing good. I will never be able to measure up to my parents. Never.

So yeah...she had the surgery a few weeks back and is now walking around. My Dad told her she would be calling him "Hitler" by the time it was all over. They had their moments, but he's the best physical therapist she could ever have. He thinks he's a doctor, anyway. ;-) It's been so amazing to see her progress and to watch her fight her way through all the pain.

Not exactly sure how I got so Blessed to be their daughter, but man...I sure am thankful He chose me to be theirs.

I'd Rather Have Jesus...

2009-01-23T20:15:00.004-06:00

Alright, so I went to South Carolina the weekend before Christmas to visit the Sheppard family. While there, the Anointed (EXTREMELY Anointed) and beautiful (VERY beautiful) Jason Crabb sang in their church's Christmas program that Saturday night and Sunday morning.

For those who aren't familiar with the hot Crabb, he sang with the Crabb Family...once a very Southern Gospel group now turned pretty contemporary. He's kind've out on his own these days and doing his own thing. The boy can SANG!!!!! I'm thoroughly convinced he was lookin' at me the whole time he was on stage (I was on the front row). ;-)

ANYWAY...

He sang a song I haven't heard in years..."I'd Rather Have Jesus." Granted, cutie Crabb could probably sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" and have everybody in the audience running to the Altar. That's a given. However, what he did with this song was nothing short of amazing. Wait. No. It was nothing short of Anointed. It was more than obvious he meant what he was singing...it Ministered to him long before he ever sang it to us. It's a song that brought me to tears that night and has been stuck in my spirit ever since then. I have literally sang that song everyday for almost a month.

It's not just a song that I've been singing, though. It's a song I've felt as if I've been living for a while. It's in my head constantly. True story...I was in Wal-Mart tonight and caught myself singing it under my breath. I'm sure people thought I was talkin' to myself or something. People walking past me could hear me singing it. It's in my thoughts constantly.

I got in the car after my extremely uneventful trip to "Wally World" and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "I'd rather have Jesus than anything..." And it hit me. He's trying to tell me something. He's preparing me for something. He's wanting those words to go deep in my spirit.

I would rather have Jesus than silver or gold.
I would rather be His than have riches untold.
I would rather have Jesus than houses or land.
I would rather be led by His nail pierced Hand.

Than to be the king of a vast domain
Or be held in sin's dread sway.
I would rather have Jesus than anything
That this world affords today.

I would rather have Jesus than men's applause.
I would rather be Faithful to His dear Cause.
I would rather have Jesus than worldwide fame.
I would rather be true to His Holy Name.

I can't help but think about my life as I sing words like "This is the air I breathe," "You're all I want," "I would rather have Jesus," or "I have fallen in Love with Him."

Really? Honestly? Would I really rather have Jesus than a marriage and children? Would I really rather have Him than nice clothes or a dependable car? Could I really lose all my family and friends and still be satisfied with only Him? I'm sure some are appalled I've even asked those questions. But, really...would I? It's not that I'm questioning my Love for Christ. I'm questioning how much and to what extent I really Love Him.

It's rather easy for me to say Jesus is all I need when He's never been all I've ever had. Saying I'd rather have Him is pretty simple considering I've always had every other option in the world. I'm sick...I take medicine. Real sick...I go to the doctor and whip out my insurance card. I'm hungry (and even when I'm not hungry)...I go to the grocery store, some restaurant, or just make something at home and eat to the point I've made myself sick. I feel alone...I call my family, friends, or push a button for Charter's On Demand and choose one of about a million movies. I'm cold...I look in my closet and grab a random sweatshirt or blanket.

I'm starting to chuckle as I'm typing this. Picture it...I'm laid up on a nice couch covered in a blanket sipping on a sweet Diet Dr. Pepper and just put some thick socks on 'cause my feet got cold, but just turned the heat down 'cause it got a little hot. Everything at convenience...everything at my fingertips. I thought I was gonna' die the other night 'cause I was freezing in my house and I complained about it for a week. I get a little uncomfortable and I start trippin' out.

Really...what if it came down between having Jesus or the big things I take for granted? A house that's warm in the winter and cool in the summer. Food at my fingertips so I won't "starve to death." A comfortable bed I can sleep on after a hard day's work (which ultimately consists of sitting in a plush chair in my own office, walking to/from the printer, and talking on the phone to clients from 8:00-4:30 Monday through Friday and provides me with incredible benefits and retirement). As a matter of fact, I bought myself a brand new mattress not too long ago simply because my other one hurt my back. I'm a baby. I have a small heater siting beside my office chair just in case I get a little chilly. My cable and internet...it's there just in case I don't get too bored and it's super fast so I won't get impatient. I've yet to buy a microwave for my house, so I'm actually having to wait for things to heat up in the stove. Rough life.

I'm sometimes embarrassed of myself. More often that that, I'm disgusted with myself. I talk about and sing about Jesus being all I want, being all I need, and being the air I breathe and all the while I reach for and grab every other option in the world but Him.

Please don't misunderstand me. In no way am I implying that any of the aforementioned aren't Blessings in themselves. God has Blessed me richly and beyond belief. I don't deserve anything I have...not in the least bit. However, I do believe there is a time coming during which I will be tested. I believe the whole world will be tested. We are a Blessed nation...we are also a spoiled nation. It would be very interesting to see how many of us who claim to be so dedicated to Christ and so willing to sacrifice everything for His sake would quickly change our minds once our comfort is threatened or taken away. It's possible I'd be the first one to throw in the towel. I won't dare think too highly of myself.

1st Corinthians 10:12 (The Message)..."Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence."

I'm over trying to impress people and I'm certainly not about to sit here and attempt to come across as if I've got it all together or figured out. I've done that for too many years and it's exhausting. I am who I am and striving everyday to become who I'm supposed to be...who God has Called me to be. I want to be ready when that day of testing comes. I want so badly to say I'll sell or give away everything I have if He asks me to. I think will. I hope I will. Thank God for His Grace and Mercy...that it's His Strength and not mine.

So...here I am just as I am. I'm trying to Love You more, Lord...more and more everyday. Not trying to be anybody but who You're making and molding me to be. Yours.

Unleashed!!!!!

2009-01-09T09:35:00.007-06:00

So...here I am in 2009 and completely ready to be Free. I mean...REALLY Free. I'm talkin' about...COMPLETELY Free!!!!! I'm me. I'm real. I'm who I am. However, I'm ready to be me, real, and who I am in a new kind've way.

I have this problem...this issue. It's been hindering me since I was a kid...always stressing me out and always on my mind. I think it's just now hitting me and I'm realizing how much it's plagued my emotions, my time, my heart, my energy. What is it? The fear of hurting/offending/angering people. Instead of naming all those verbs throughout this blog, I'm simply gonna' call it "offending people." That should sum it up, I think. ;-)

Okay...I know it sounds completely retarded and stupid...probably even petty to some. BUT...it's the truth. I hate knowing I've offended someone. I go out of my way to pacify people just so they won't be upset or mad at me. A large part of it stems from knowing how much I use to get offended at people. I was the world's WORST!!!!! Not saying I still don't get my feelings hurt at times and definitely not implying I never get angry. God has brought me so far...and I've chosen to go.

I heard years ago that it's impossible for someone to make another person angry, but it's a reality that people allow themselves to become offended. I really grabbed hold of that this past year. Perhaps it's because I've been in a situation in which I've seen so many people wearing their emotions on their sleeves and become so offended that they simply quit and walk away from people, commitments, churches...even from Ministry.

The Message translation of Galatians 2:20 says, "I've been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear Righteous before you or have your good opinion..."

Just one of the amazing Words from God.

About a year ago, I somehow--and for reason--stopped trying to impress people...even stopped trying to impress God. I'm me. I'm who I am. I'm learning about who I'm supposed to be and striving everyday to get there. I'm not trying to go too slow or too fast...just going at the only pace I know how. God's pace. Ego isn't really my issue. It's the fear of offending people.

Pastor Wayne Sheppard preached a sermon a few years back on that same Scripture. He got one of the students to lay on the floor and play dead while another student pretended to kick him. He said, "If you're truly dead, you can't feel that. If you're truly dead, you won't care. You can't feel when people hurt you, when people offend you, when people make fun of you or get mad at you. When you're crucified, you're dead. You can't feel what people do to you because it's no longer you living...your flesh is dead."

I'm not big on new year's resolutions. Perhaps it's because I've made so many and broken them all. Not really sure. BUT...if I had to name one, it'd be one with two sides to it: no more allowing myself to be offended AND no longer allowing the fear of offending people to hold me back.

Let me make myself clear here...I'm not at all saying I no longer care how I treat others. I'm simply stating I can only do my best...and that's it. I will treat people with all the Love, care, and respect in the world. People who know me (and I hope people who've known me for only a short time) know I would never in a million years hurt or offend someone intentionally. Never.

I'm learning to walk away. I'm learning to move on. I'm learning how to reach out, then step away after doing all I can do. I'll walk a million miles with someone...go as far as I can possibly go. Forcing my help and constantly stepping in to save someone else's pain is admirable, but I've learned I can also get in God's way. Sometimes, a person needs to experience God on their own.

So...I'll chase someone down to ask for Forgiveness. I'll go wherever they are to sit down face-to-face and pour my heart out with an apology. BUT...I refuse to become an enabler or stroke their pride. I've been on both ends of that scenario...neither is fulfilling or and neither is healthy. I'll encourage as much as I can, but there's a time to let go and let God. Seems so cliché, I know.

With all that said, I'm ready to be "Unleashed." I feel as if the Church (notice the upper case 'C') can see the Prize right in front of us...what we want is at our fingertips. We're reaching for It and stretching our arms as far as they can go. It's the sins--big or small--that cause our feet to remain planted and keeps us from walking towards and grabbing our Joy, our Peace, our future. It's time to cut the cord and "bind the strongman". The key, however, still remains in how much we want to be unleashed. Taking a leash off a dog makes no difference if the dog isn't interested in what's laying right in front of him.

We're preparing for the "Unleashed" program at The Summit. It's a six week series dealing with acceptance (the fear of being rejected), grief, anger/bitterness, divorce/separation, and addiction. The last week will be a straight up celebration of being Free and "Unleashed." Of course, there are a million other issues we could discuss. These are just a few.

You're more than welcome to attend. Starts at 10 a.m. on Sunday mornings and 6:30 on Wednesday nights (for the Elevate Student Ministry). The small groups will be participating, as well. You DON'T wanna' miss it.

I'm so excited about this program. If we'll just really think about these messages and the urgency to become what God has Called and created us to be...we can be "UNLEASHED"!!!!!

The River...

2008-12-02T15:43:00.007-06:00

So I went to revival this past Monday night (12/1) and heard John Richardson preach. It's been a while since I heard him, so I was pretty excited. I remember him from "back in the day." I was around 16 and just received the Baptism of the Spirit about a month before. I was on "cloud nine" simply because my life since the Baptism was so amazing. I saw everything so differently. Everything about me was different. HOWEVER...there were those saying I didn't really "receive it" because I didn't speak in the Spirit.

OKAY...I know that whole issue stirs up a huge debate. Is speaking in tongues the initial evidence of the Holy Spirit? Personally...I don't believe so. BUT (before I get stoned)...that's not what this blog is about. So, please spare me the comments trying to change my mind. This is just MY opinion. WHEW!!!!! Okay...moving right along...

That month was both a high and low for me. I was straight up STRESSING about it 'cause I didn't think I "got it." (that phrase always cracks me up) On the same token, however, I was so happy. I read the Word the same as before, but saw it in a completely different way. Things I had read a million times seemed to change before my eyes and go deep in my spirit. During that time, I learned why the Word is called "the LIVING Word." It was the same, yet changing everytime I read it. It was so amazing!!!!! It STILL IS amazing!!!!!

So...here I go to Fyffe Church of God on a random night to hear a random preacher who (I believe) was in a random gang. Ha...that sentence was funny. ANYWAY...I remember saying to the Lord, "Okay, God...I don't care anymore. I don't care if I ever speak in tongues, I'm simply thankful for Your Love. That's all I need. I thank You for the Power You've shown and given me through your Spirit." Guess what! That night is the first night I spoke in the Spirit!!!!! It was INCREDIBLE!!!!!

That was the last time I heard John Richardson...16 years ago. I was pretty pumped about hearing him again. I had no idea what I was in for. Just like "back in the day," I went expecting to hear a good Word, but was literally taken by surprise at what the Lord did for me that night. I can't remember what he preached on 16 years ago, but it's still fresh on what he taught us on Monday night...Ezekiel 47.

For some reason, I've become a bit calloused at things. I don't cry much anymore. Not that I WANT to cry, but it's sometimes a Healing experience and does me good to shed some tears. I have compassion and sympathy, but not like I used to. Perhaps it's because I hear horrible stories all day long at work and not surprised by anything anymore. Maybe it's a good place to be. Maybe it's not. I'm not exactly sure. I just know that I'm not really moved by much these days. I've been in all kinds of services and heard all kinds of stories. I'm not taken off guard at much...nothing surprises me.

I got there and sat beside Haven. Heard the choir sing and it was, of course, wonderful. He started to preach and I found myself trying to get reaquainted with his lingo and accent. I can't remember where he's from, but he pronounces things so funny (well...funny to me, anyway!). So, of course, I'd whisper a few of those funny sounding words back to Haven and we'd chuckle a little. I remember thinking, "Gah...I'm not even in the mood to cry or anything. I hope he doesn't call me out."

You're probably already guessing what happened, huh?! He started talking about a trip to the Bahamas he had taken years ago and how he couldn't swim. He told this hilarious story about how some of the people there put floaties on him and let him float behind a boat while people were diving. Through a series of events, he went under water for a bit. When he surfaced, he was amazed at all the beautiful things God had made and said, "...only He could create such beautiful colors." He then said something that completely caused me to break. He said, "God responded and said, 'Yeah, but John...I made you.'"

Immediate HUGE tears began to form and effortlessly ran down my cheek. It wasn't a new revelation, but was definitely a rhema word for me. It was spoken just for me at just the right time and from just the right person in just the right way. It was for ME. It broke my calloused and hard heart. And--you guessed it--he called me out. To be quite honest, I can't remember a lot he spoke and Prayed over me, but I remember him asking the question, "How deep do you want to go in the River?"

Again...it's not that anything he preached on was new or nothing I've never heard before. Ezekiel 47 is something I've heard preached and taught a million times...a chapter I've read and researched even more. It just all kind've clicked with me that night. There was, however, a part that I've never heard or even thought about before...something he brought out that night. He asked how many had ever tried to run or walk in the shallow part of the ocean. He said, "What happens when you try to walk through it for a while? You get tired."

BOOM!!!!! That's it!!!!! I've been so tired lately. Of course, I've been worn out physically and emotionally, but those things happen because I'm worn out Spiritually. I haven't grown "weary in well doing,"...I've just grown weary. I'm exhausted. No wonder my heart is tough! No wonder my emotions are so stale. I'm tired. Weary. Exhausted. Worn out.

He went on to teach us that we can go deep in the River...deep in His Spirit and get further and further out. We can go so far and the water be up to our neck...doing things right and reaping the Blessings from being out in that River. BUT...we're still in control. The goal is to go so far to where our feet can't touch anymore. That's when the current takes us where it wants us to go. WOW...that's what I needed. I know...for some of you reading, it's such an elementary revelation. But, for me...it clicked. Everything about that night was just what I needed to hear. I called Sister Ginger afterwards and said, "I feel like I just fell in Love with Jesus all over again."

Ezekiel 47:8-12 has been my focus since that night. Any of these verses could be broken and down and researched in a million different ways. Trust me...I went to Lee University, then to Seminary! I once had to write a five page paper on John 11:35..."Jesus wept." The shortest verse in the Bible! Shoot...I could write forever on Ezekiel 47!!!!! BUT...these are just a few of my observations. I'm no Theologian, so don't get excited or take my word for it. ;-)

Verses 8-10 tells us the River flows "into the sea, the sea of stagnant waters. When It empties into those waters, the sea will become fresh. Wherever the River flows, Life will flourish--great schools of fish--because the River is turning the salt sea into fresh water. Where the River flows, Life abounds. Fishermen will stand shoulder to shoulder along the shore...the sea will teem with fish of all kinds."

What I gather from those verses is a Call for us to do a few things. One...allow the River to flow in and through us. For where that River flows is abundant Life. Simply put...it's personal growth.

Two...it's a Call for the Church to unite. "Fishermen will stand shoulder to shoulder..." When that happens, the "...sea will teem with fish of all kinds." I feel as if the Church dips in the sea at random spots and at random times to catch a few "fish"...and sadly, we seem satisfied with that. What would happen if we came together in a Spirit of unity? Forgetting about denominations, doctrines, hurts, and fears...uniting with the simple, yet Powerful focus and belief that "fish of all kinds" are "fish" created and Loved by the Creator. Every person matters.

Three...we are to go where the "fish" are. "Fishermen will stand shoulder to shoulder along the shore." Go where they are. We have to stop waiting for them to come to us. It's a true fact--but at times an excuse--to say or think the Lord will bring them to us. Don't get me wrong, I believe He will do that at times...many times. The Anointing in Itself is attractive and Powerful, so I'm not negating that fact that He can bring "fish" to us and make us attractive to them. HOWEVER...believing only in that theory can cause laziness, apathy, and for the River to become "stagnant." Complacency kills...and it has almost murdered the Church.

Verse 12..."...on both banks will grow fruit trees of all kinds. Their leaves won't wither, the fruit won't fail. Every month, they'll bear fresh fruit because the River from the Sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will be for food and their leaves for Healing."

Here's where I believe going deeper in the River jumps from a personal desire for growth to an unselfish mentality to cause others to flourish. The River causes others to Live. "On both banks will grow fruit trees of all kinds...Every month they'll bear fruit because the River from the Santuary flows to them. Their fruit will be for food and their leaves for Healing." What happens if we stop growing? What happens if we stop Praying? What happens if we stop Worshiping? Caring? Loving? Chasing after Christ? What happens not only to us, but to THEM?! We make the mistake of somehow becoming so focused on us and how only we benefit from a close walk with the Lord. But...what about them? If we back off...even for just a second...how many will suffer?

Why don't I drink? Why don't I smoke? Why don't I give myself away in relationships? Of course, it's my moral convictions that drive me to stay pure. But, there are many, many times when I just want to throw my hands up and quit. Why don't I? It's the kid in the student Ministry that looks up to me. It's the person on the Praise Team that has come so far. It's the friend that I've Ministered to and Prayed for time and time again. It's the guy in high school that tried to get me to give in and I said I never would. It's the child that hugs me every Sunday. It's the elder that has poured into me for so many years that I can't stand to disappoint. When all we focus on is ourselves, there is a greater tendency to quit.

Why do I chase after Jesus so much? It's for me. It's for you. It's for those I don't even know. My relationship with Christ is vital for me...and even more for those around me.

So Long, Chief Full of Bull and Sister G.

2008-11-06T22:00:00.004-06:00

It all started in February 2002. I was working for the Partnership for a Drug-Free DeKalb as the coordinator of Mentor DeKalb and was scheduled to meet with the new student Pastor at Fyffe Church of God in hopes he would want to implement the program at the church. If I'm not mistaken, the meeting was for ten on a Tuesday morning. I gathered up all my mentoring material and had all the right words to pitch a great program. No worries. I had this under control. Meet at ten, be out by eleven, and meeting friends for lunch at twelve. No worries. WRONG!!!!!

Pastor Wayne and I met for two hours that day. We talked about Mentor DeKalb for a total of twenty minutes. ;-) It seemed as if there was an instant connection between us. We talked about everything...mostly church. In the middle of our conversation, I mentioned to him that I was the student Pastor at Geraldine First United Methodist Church and most of my students were about to graduate. I thought nothing of the statement...the conversation continued on.

I started to leave and we were standing in the parking lot. He looked at me and asked the question that completely messed up my whole world. "When you leave your church, call me. You're going to be my Praise and Worship leader. Think about it and give me a call."

HA!!!!! HA!!!!! HA!!!!! HA!!!!! HA!!!!!

On the inside, I thought, "Okay...yeah. This cat is off his rocker. I don't play or sing in front of anybody." On the outside, I looked at him and said, "Sure. Yeah. Okay." I thanked him for the meeting and got the heck outta' dodge. As soon as my car door shut and he was out of sight, I started laughing so hard.

It wasn't even a thought for me. I didn't need to Pray about it! I could barely play a few Worship songs. I can barely read music!!!!! Sing in front of people?! NO WAY!!!!! It took me a total of two seconds to make that decision. Big fat NO!!!!!

I called him a few days later, thanked him for the offer, and respectfully declined. My excuse? My job required me to work occassional nights to train people and I just wasn't sure I could commit to it. Sounded like a smooth answer to me.

Not too long after that, I saw Pastor Wayne again. This time, he was with his wife, Ginger...otherwise known as "Sister" Ginger. He made the offer again. Of course, I replied with a big fat "no." Surpringly though, it took me just a little longer to respond that time.

The days and weeks to follow weren't very pretty. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't get that stinkin' church off my mind. I woke up thinkin' about it. I went to bed thinkin' about it. During the day, it'd cross my mind a million times. It seemed like someone was talkin' about Fyffe everywhere I went and I saw signs and shirts with "FYFFE" written all over it. I couldn't get away from it! Fyffe was everywhere!!!!!

I caved. I swallowed my pride and showed up at Fyffe on a random Wednesday night about a month later. I drove up and had no idea where to go or where Pastor Wayne was. I saw Sister Ginger coming out of the Life Center and practically ran to her. She said, "Hey! We miss you!" I said, "Where's Pastor Wayne? I know I gotta' do it." She smiled and said, "He'll be glad to see you. He's in his office."

Oh my gosh...the walk to his office was the longest and most difficult walk of my life. I walked in and smiled. He said, "You ready?" I nodded my head and said, "I don't know how I'm gonna' do it, but...yeah. I'm scared to death." He told me to come by for lunch the next day.

The church's Sanctuary was being remodeled during that time and everything was out in the middle of the floor. When I got there the next day, he wanted me to play and sing for him. It suddenly occurred to me that he had never even heard me play or sing!!!!! Now that's some major Faith!!!!! I walked to the piano (which was sitting at a random spot in the middle of the floor) and my hands were shaking like crazy. I tried to sing and my voice was shaking even worse!!!!! This singing and playing in front of people was a HUGE deal to me. I was scared to death!!!!!

He promised me that day that he would push and work with me, but he would never push me beyond what he thought I could do. Boy was he right!!!!! He did push me...in every area of my life he pushed me. It was extremely difficult at times. There were moments I wanted to leave and never come back simply because it was so far out of my comfort zone. I remember leading Worship that first night...it was me, a drummer, and two or three vocals. I came off that stage and promised myself I would never get up there again.

Well...here I am six years later and still leading Worship. I look back at all the experiences I've had and all the services I've had the honor to play/sing in. Without Pastor Wayne and Sister Ginger pushing me, Praying for me, encouraging me, counseling me, and being patient with me...I know beyond doubt I wouldn't be here. Through them, the Lord has taken me places I never thought possible. My whole life has changed simply because they're in it.

The best sermons I've ever heard in my life have come from him. The best insight and counsel has come from them. Sister Ginger has inspired me beyond belief with her passion, sincerity, character, wisdom, and Anointing. I look at Greyson and Tyler and see a legacy and Anointing that will be carried on for generations to come. There are many who can touch other people. There are some who will impact lives. There are very few who can step into someone's life and completely alter the course of life. That's what the Sheppard family has done for me...stirred a gift, encouraged it to fruition, and showed me my destiny.

They're leaving to go to South Carolina...Greer, South Carolina. They'll be at one of the top three Church of Gods in the nation, Praise Cathedral. Man...that church has no clue what they're in for. This family, the Sheppard clan, steps into lives and messes up everything. Talents they never they had, dreams they've never dreamed, visions they've never had, gifts they've never thought of...somehow and some way, they have the ability to stir up things that are seemingly impossible.

They came to Fyffe Church of God and had 30 students. Since then, they've peaked at 200, built a new facility, won a national Teen Talent title, gone to Indianapolis, San Antonio, New Mexico, and Kansas to Minister, gained about 20 student staff, and changed thousands of lives. They've done the impossible in the small town of Fyffe. They've done the impossible in me.

They've become family to me. Plain and simple. They know my best and they know my worst. Still...they believe in me. For some reason, they still Love me. I'll never be able to repay them for what they've done for me...never.

So, Chief Full-of-Bull and Sister G. (I'm bound by confidentiality not to reveal her Indian name)...thank you for the encouragement. Thank you for pushing me beyond what I thought I could go. Thank you for all the counsel, patience, and Love. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your family. Thank you for the memories.

Thank you for Loving Jesus, because--if you didn't--I wouldn't be where I am today.

7 Random Facts...

2008-10-29T09:42:00.007-05:00

So...Anna Bryant threw out a challenge yesterday. It was a challenge to post seven random facts about myself. Alrighty, Anna...here goes. ;-) You asked for it!!!!! ;-)

1. I hate fruits and vegetables (except corn!). I can just imagine all the mouths
flying open in astonishment. Don't worry! I'm getting better. I'm starting to
branch out a little bit. So...get off my back!!!!! ;-) GAH!!!!!

2. I'm a secret fan of "The Hills." I'll forever regret posting that comment.
Yes...I record it every Monday night. Oh my gosh...I'm embarrassed right now.

3. I absolutely can't stand for someone to touch the inside of my arm. Oh
gosh...I'm gettin' sick just thinkin' about it. I know it's retarded and I
really can't explain it, but it terrifies me. AH!!!!! I feel as if all the
blood's gonna' leave my heart or something. Ugh...

4. I absolutely LOVE politics and learning more about government. I'm pretty much
addicted to news channels. My favorite is FOX..."fair and balanced." ;-) I
used to never pay attention to stuff like that, but I LOVE it now. The obsession
started about five years ago, but it's REALLY gotten bad during this election.
I'm all about McCain/Palin!!!!! ;-)

5. I stuttter sometimes. I catch myself getting hung up on words when I get
nervous or scared. It's so strange! It gets worse as I get older, too.

6. I absolutely LOVE to travel. I've decided to take at least two vacations a
year. I'm really into learning the history of places before I go. I'm a nerd.
I'm very aware of this.

7. My number one pet peeve...SMACKING!!!!! Oh my gosh...just close your mouth when
when you chew your food! And what's with the gum?! Quit popping bubbles and
stuff!!!!! Good grief!!!!! How rude!!!!! It can seriously make me hate
somebody. Whew. Okay. I'm done. ;-)

So...there it is! Seven random facts about me. I'll probably regret posting half of those things!!!!! ;-) But, hey...I can't let somebody throw out a challenge and not accept it!!!!!

WOO HOO!!!!!

2008-10-28T20:31:00.008-05:00

I'm super excited right now. Actually, I've been pretty pumped since yesterday at noon. Why? Well...I'll be MORE than happy to tell you!!!!!

In October of 2007, I (at the encouragement of my peeps at Haymon Homes) joined Weight Watchers. Initially, I joined just to get some people off my back. ;-) I NEVER intended to stick to it. I had never tried a diet before and really didn't think I'd have that much will power. To my surprise, I lost 6.8 pounds my first week!!!!! I remember thinkin', "Okay...there must be something to all this!!!!!" Needless to say, I decided to commit to it.

Here I am now...42.8 pounds lighter. I know. I know. Some reading this probably think I should've lost more in a year. To be honest...I do, too. HOWEVER...I've done it slow and steady. I honestly don't believe I'll ever gain it back. Well...maybe during pregnancy or something! ;-) If that's the case, I more than welcome the weight. ;-)

When I started out, I weighed over 240 pounds. (yeah...I'm gettin' pretty vulnerable right now and just throwing my numbers out there!) Yesterday, I stepped on the scale and saw a 1 at the beginning of my weight. I haven't seen that number in YEARS!!!!! I really don't even remember the last time I saw it.

The first of this year, I went out with this guy named Paul. At that time, I had lost a little less than twenty pounds and needed a few new clothes. Of course, a shopping trip was needed. So, Casi and I loaded up and ventured out to Huntsville for a day of fun and shopping. Being the wonderful and cool person she is, she introduced me to Kohl's (awesome place!...thank you, Casi!!!!!).

If you've ever gone shopping with me, you'll know I'm the WORST person in the world to shop with. First of all, I HATE it. Secondly, I'm extremely picky...but not a good picky. Being heavy all my life and having a horrible self-esteem, I always had the impression of big clothes being better for me because it would hide the weight. In a nutshell...I just wanted to look okay, but never thought I could be beautiful. Therefore, I pretty much focused on covering up and hiding the weight. My goodness...I look back on pictures from Lee and realize more and more why I'm not married! Good grief...awful outfits, bad hair, and a horrible attitude. Overall...I just wasn't happy with myself at all.

So, yeah...Casi's a trooper. Not only did she introduce me to Kohl's, she introduced me to a new way of dressing. ;-) No more pull overs and big sweatshirts!!!!! She was throwing me clothes I'd normally never give a second thought. That day changed my whole way of thinking. It seriously seemed to happen so fast.

So...winter's comin' around again and I needed to break out the cold clothes. I started to put on some of the clothes I got at Kohl's that day with Casi. To my surprise, I couldn't wear them anymore!!!!! I was both happy and sad...happy 'cause I lost more weight and sad 'cause I really did like those clothes!!!!! ;-) No time to be sad, though...we needed to go shopping again!!!!!

This whole experience has really amazed me. I started out in a size 22/24 pants (I can just hear some people gasping!). Now...I'm in a 14/16. I used to wear XXL shirts. I now wear larges. My feet got smaller, too!!!!! REALLY!!!!! People ask how much more I'd like to lose. Honest answer? I really don't know. I'm just taking it day by day. Of course, I want to get smaller. However, I just want to be healthy. Plain and simple.

In high school, I was in good shape simply because of sports. Going into college, I heard the phrase "...puttin' on the freshman fifteen." Well...I went above and beyond and created a new phrase "...puttin on the freshman fifty"! ;-) After losing Melanie, I simply didn't care anymore. I basically wanted to look presentable...that's it. So, my life and weight can be put into three categories...high school, college, and after Melanie. Kind've like the two pictures posted in this blog...the first is in black/white and is pre-Weight Watchers. The seond was in May '08 and in color (lost about ten more since then!). That's exactly what I feel like...my eyes have been opened. By the way...that's my fashion coordinator with me. Thank you, Casi!!!!! ;-)

Last October, I made the choice to walk in Healing, to take my sister with me, and to start living again. Yeah...it still hurts. It hurts horribly bad. It always will. God and time, however, have a wonderful way of Healing. He has given me the strength to accept Life...Spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

I remember me and Pastor Wayne standing outside Freedom House a couple of years ago talking about random stuff. Somehow, we started talking about weight. I told him my weight was on my mind constantly and that I knew I desperately needed to get it under control. He said, "Sherrie, just think...what if your husband is fifty pounds away?" I knew even then those words would always be in my mind. I knew it wasn't Pastor Wayne saying it. It was a "moment" for me...one of those life changing
phrases.

Okay, wait...don't mistake what I mean here. I'm not saying my husband will come bee bopping through the doors the very minute I lose exactly fifty pounds (not saying it couldn't happen, either!). I'm simply saying those words sparked something in my Spirit that I couldn't shake. The closer I get to fifty pounds, the more excited I get.

It's a cool place to be, though...whether he comes or not, I'm happy. I'm happy being healthy...and even more happy to be getting healthier. My self-esteem still isn't the best in the world, but I can honestly say it's not the worst in the world, either. No more covering up...not Spiritually or physically. Spiritually...I'm an open book. Physically...my clothes fit and every fat roll is visible. ;-)

I guess that's the coolest part...I'm vulnerable. Life is much easier realizing and remembering that everybody--EVERYBODY--has Spiritual and physical defects. Some people just know how to cover it up a little better than others. For way too long, I was that person...tried to hide every flaw I had. Now...I find Freedom in exposure.

A couple of clarifications before I close out. One...Weight Watchers isn't a diet. It's a way of life! ;-) Two...me and Paul obviously didn't work out. It only took one date to see there didn't need to be a second or third!!!!! ;-) That's alright, though...my Blessing is coming soon. No doubt my man is on his way.

Three Years...

2008-10-24T10:57:00.015-05:00

I can't believe it's been three years tomorrow since I lost my sister, Mel. I never went one day without hearing her voice and laughter. Just amazes me how slow, yet fast time has passed.

On October 25, 2005, I thought my life was over. I seriously didn't know how I could continue, how I could wake up again, how I could ever laugh again. Those days, weeks, and months after were extremely trying. Days I Prayed not to wake up again. Days when I didn't know how to take another step.

BUT...God is Good. God is Faithful. God is my Strength. God is my Healer.

Who would've "thunk" it? Here I am...three years later, 42 pounds lighter, a smile on my face, and a future at my fingertips. I used to think living would be leaving her behind. I used to think going on would mean never having her again. I've learned different. The Lord has helped me see it different.

Please don't misunderstand me. I miss my sister so much it hurts. There are still days when I don't want to get out of bed. I still pick up the phone to dial her number. I still dream about her so much. I still have her number in my phone and on my speed dial. I still can't picture my wedding and having my first child without her.

However, I've learned that going on and living isn't leaving her behind...it's carrying her with me. In every moment of everyday, I can try to affect one person's life the way she affected thousands. If I can do that, her legacy will continue. My sister will never be gone. Never. She lives through the random person she smiled at in school, the person I'll never meet that she made laugh once in college, the fireman she interviewed for a story that later saw her ethics through reporting, and the child she and Paul adopted and saved, and through me...the one she always called her "first child." Melanie is forever.

So, Mel...here's to you. My life will be spent in an effortless attempt to carry you on forever. People will always hear about you, always know about you, and always be affected by your life. Your name will be carried on through my future child, whom I can't wait to name Melanie. I Love hearing your name. It used to kill me. Now, it comforts me.

I Love you, my precious and amazing sister. I can't wait to see you again. Thank you for being with us, for Loving us, for changing us, and for being so patient with us. ;-).

By the way, Auburn...I know Mel's SO disappointed in you. Please...pick it up, okay?

My Testimony Offering...

2008-09-26T14:27:00.005-05:00

Last night, I led Worship again at Celebrate Recovery. I know I've already written about my experiences there and I certainly don't mean to repeat myself. ;-) I just learn something new everytime I go.

It's so amazing how the Lord can take a band that's never played together before and make the music sound so seasoned and crisp. It's not the best sound system in the world and we certainly aren't the best musicians/vocalists to ever walk the face of the earth. Guess we're great examples of God's Strength flowing and working through man's weakness, huh? ;-)

Even though my Mom taught music/voice for almost 45 years, I took only one lesson from her...something I will forever regret. Wasn't interested in music at all growing up...probably because I heard it 24/7 (she taught at home). However, it was Lee University that turned my ear to it. I found my voice and began to see my potential on piano. Still...I wouldn't dare sing a solo or venture to play the keys in front of anybody. It was a mixture of individual efforts from Eric Freeman and Wayne Sheppard that pushed me into discovering a talent that had been long surpressed.

So...I've been playing the piano and singing now for about six years. I don't know half of what I'm doing, but I'm learning as I go and playing/singing what I feel the Lord is laying on my heart at that time. I'm extremely elementary in what I do and feel almost ashamed when playing alongside those with years of experience and a better ear than I'll ever have. I don't even pretend to know what I'm doing, nor will I ever be naive enough to think I could make a career out of my minimal skills. However, God has--for whatever reason--opened doors for numerous opportunities to lead Worship at a variety of places. If He opens them, I go. Easy enough.

One of those doors (thank the Lord) has been Celebrate Recovery. We were on the platform last night and I felt the Power of God. Don't misunderstand that phrase..."...we were on the platform" doesn't at all insinuate "we" brought the Glory. Nor does "...I felt the presence of God" mean to imply I played better because of my emotion. No. No. That phrase simply means He was Merciful enough to Bless us with His Presence and Gracious enough to allow me to feel a hint of His Power. HE was the One that sang through us. HE was the One that played through us. HE was the One that lifted every hand and voice to Magnify Himself. We were simply the vessels He used to Worship Him...and oh what an honor it was to be used.

Wow...that totally made sense to me. I hope it did to everyone else. I apologize if it didn't.

ANYWAY...

I was talking with one of my co-workers this morning and she asked me about Celebrate Recovery...what they do, what it's like, if she could come, etc. She said, "Ya' know...I don't have a clue what they go through. I won't even pretend to know." I responded by saying, "I feel so lost as to what they experience." She quickly interjected with, "Sherrie...I feel like I don't even have a testimony."

Wow...exactly. I felt--and still feel at times--the same way. I've never tried alcohol. Never done drugs. Was never abused in any way. I've never even smoked. How could someone like me relate to people like them? They've experienced and gone through some much...they fight everyday just to stay alive. Then, there's me...little miss nothing over here listening and wide-eyed at their testimonies. "I fight the craving everyday." "I was sexually abused at age four." "My Mom taught how to smoke pot when I was seven." "My Dad hit me contantly." "I overdosed three times and almost died." "My parents didn't want me."

What the heck would I say if they asked me what my testimony is? "Well...um...I got in trouble for bad grades and my parents grounded me a lot." "I remember some people at my junior college making fun of me because I wouldn't try beer and it really hurt my feelings." "One time my Mom embarrassed me because she wore her hair rollers to drop me off at school." I'm sure those at Celebrate Recovery would look at me and laugh. Seriously...what could I possibly say to compare to their trials and tribulations? Some would say my story is a great testimony...it was God's Grace and Mercy that kept me from those things. True. Very true. But, still...

I've come to the conclusion that I do have something offer them. I have a gift I can bring. It's certainly not the best and there's a million that are better and more skilled at it than I am. I have a Story to tell. It didn't start with me, nor does It end with me, but It changed--and still changes--me.

My testimony? It's through my voice singing. It's told through my fingers playing the keys. My Story? I'm telling about Him that sings and plays through me.

See...I'm of the opinion that a testimony is simply a statement of what someone has seen or knows about something. If that's the case, then I have a lot to tell about. For I have seen Christ in my sitation, as well as the situations of others. I know about my Father...about His Power, His Comfort, His Mercy, His Grace, and the Restoration He offers me. Whether it's my situation I'm testifying about or the Grace and Mercy I've seen given to the addict, to the abused, or to the abuser...I know about His Goodness.

Yeah...I've got a testimony and I'm gonna' talk about it. It might be in a song, through the piano, or simply talking to my next door neighbor about it. Doesn't matter how it comes out...as long as it's told.

Gettin' Real...

2008-09-22T11:53:00.009-05:00

Whew!!!!! Last week was SO incredibly busy. It was amazing and wonderful, but I'm kind've glad it's all over. If I could've had just one of those thousand events from the past seven days, it would've been better to handle. It just so happened that everything fell at the same time.

I got back from my UNBELIEVABLE cruise last Monday night. I gotta' say...I did NOT want to come back. It was definitely the best trip ever. It was a great time of relaxation and self-reflection. First to Nassau, then to Cococay, and back to Port Canaveral. Of course, we stopped by Auburn and Columbus to see my family. That in itself was wonderful. I miss them so much.

The highlight of my trip was most definitely Cococay. It's not that I didn't Love Nassau 'cause I certainly did. It was SO beautiful!!!!! Spending the day at Cabbage Beach was amazing...riding waverunners, seeing Oprah Winfrey, Michael Jordan, Flavor Flav, and Anna Nicole's houses...insanely awesome. The waters were SO rough, though...beautiful weather, just very rough. We were jumping waves like crazy!!!!!

Cococay is a private island owned by Royal Caribbean. It's about a mile long and about sixty miles from Nassau. I think that's the reason I enjoyed it so much...no pressure to buy anything...no hustling. I rode the waverunners there, too, and it was PERFECT!!!!! I held it down at 65mph the whole time. I wanted to go faster, but that's as good as it would get. I can't even explain how amazing it was.

We got back late Monday night and were SO tired from driving!!!!! AH!!!!! Definitely flying next time. I knew there was no time for rest, though...sang at a church on Tuesday night, led the student Ministry Wednesday night, took my cousin down to the Emmaus Walk Thursday night, led Worship for a women's retreat Friday and Saturday, down to a candelight service for Emmaus Saturday night, led Worship the next morning at church, then back to Emmaus for the closing service. WHEW!!!!! Very tiring.

Something very amazing happened to me on Saturday at the women's retreat, though. It's so mind blowing how God can orchestrate things so perfectly and take me by complete surprise. The whole time there, I knew I had a job and responsibility...to lead in Worship. The talks were great and the time of communion was incredible, but my main concern was leading those women into the awesome and lifechanging Presence of our Father. I was focused...focused on leading THEM.

Just when I had it all under control and had everything planned out...WHAM!!!!! God hits me with this simple, yet most Powerful revelation. Here's how it happened...

Nancy Liederbach was about to do her talk on "'Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus." Obviously, the perfect song to preface her talk would be that old hymn, right? WRONG. Nancy leaned over to me and said, "Can you just play "Jesus Loves Me"? Of course, I agreed without hesitation. On the outside, I was the posterchild for perfect submission. On the inside, however, I was thinkin', "Are you serious? People aren't going to lift their hands and cry at "Jesus Loves Me"! This is the second day...the last talk! This is where we lower the boom!!!!!"

Thankfully, my Mom was there. She's THE best Worship leader in the world...hands down. I'm ashamed to say it, but...I've never played "Jesus Loves Me" a day in my life. She has, though...she's done Vacation Bible Schools for a million years and I knew she could play it with her eyes closed. So...I walked over to her and asked her to play it. Of course, she did the best job in the world. The Lord used that one song to set an atmosphere that I can't help but think was just for me. Selfish...I know.

Before I go on, I need to go into a bit more embarrassing detail. I don't at all want to say I'm numb to retreats or talks or Praise and Worship or the Lord in general. That's definitely not the case. It's simply been a matter of allowing myself to fall into a routine of Worship...knowing what song to do, how to play it, what words to add in, how to make it personal, and how to tug at the heart strings. Predictibility...that's what it was.

So...my Mom leads us in "Jesus Loves Me", then Nancy begins to speak. She's sharing her testimony...she's making us laugh, then making us cry. Right in the middle of her talk, she said this one phrase that completely changed me, broke me, and humbled me. I've heard this phrase a million times throughout my life. I think it had become so common that I heard it, but never knew it. It was a fact that I knew was real and I definitely believed it, but I never let it sink in and change me.

That phrase..."Jesus Loves Me."

I can just hear some of you guys right now. Some are thinking, "What? That's it? Are you serious? Tell me something I don't know, Sherrie. Really...how elementary can you get?" I know. I agree. That's exactly what I thought at first. "Come on, Nancy...seriously. Tell me something I don't know." Yeah...I thought that for about two minutes before God completely rocked my world and changed that one phrase from a simple statement to a complete life-changing and empowering revelation.

He Loves me!!!!! He seriously Loves ME!!!!! Yeah...I've done a million things wrong...and a lot of you reading this could probably name 'em all. Of course, I've made intentional and unintentional mistakes. For years, I've allowed my mind to be completely tortured by those sins, those relationships lost, and those mistakes I've committed. I've replayed those in my mind over and over and over and over and over. Every hurt I've inflicted, every lie I've ever told, every manipulative event I've caused, everything I've ever stole, everytime I ever cheated, every horrible thought I've turned into reality...they've been a CONSTANT stumbling block.

One of the things Nancy admitted in her talk was how she's been "getting real." Perhaps that one of the reasons I got that awesome and empowering revelation...because she was real. Have I been real all throughout my Ministry? Heck no. As a matter of fact, I think I'm just beginning to get there. I'm learning that's the only way Ministry is effective...it's gotta' be real. She said this life-changing statement with such passion and confidence that I felt as if it was the Lord speaking it directly to me through her.

For years, I've been afraid to admit my faults, my mistakes, my "thorns in the flesh." Not anymore. It's both amazing and sad how I've allowed people's thoughts and opinions to rule my actions, my thoughts, and--more importantly--my relationship with Christ. It's as if I've given permission for someone's opinion of me to outweigh and negate God's Love for me. Sad, I know. But...very true.

I absolutely Love the people I'm surrounded by right now. They're not afraid to get in with the lowest of the low, the poorest of the poor, and the weakest of the weak. It's not about the big numbers, the loud applauses, or the biggest and best equipment. All we had this past weekend was an old piano and a crappy microphone. The lights didn't fade to low, there was no spotlight, no words on the screen, and no band to back me up. A lot of the time, I didn't even sing. I just played. That was the beauty of it all, though...it was real. There were times I got completely lost in the moment and forgot I was in a room full of people.

So, yeah...here I am. Love me or hate me. Talk about me good or talk about me bad. Judge me for my past, present, or future. Fuel the rumors and get the facts. I don't really care anymore. I'm gettin' real...one day at a time. I'm continually being Restored. Constantly being Reborn. Completely being Loved.

Praise the Lord. Jesus Loves me.

I'm Outta' Here!!!!!

2008-09-11T08:45:00.002-05:00

Well, kids...I'm off to the Bahamas. Despite the threat of hurricanes and tropical storms, I'm venturing into international waters and destined for paradise. ;-)

I've never been so desperate to get away. Growing up, my family traveled so much...we've been to almost all the states. I'm SO thankful for parents who wanted us to see the world. Since graduating high school, I've been tons of places...Salt Lake City, New York, Israel, Washington D.C., New Mexico, Florida, etc. However, every trip has been either for business or with a student Ministry. I Loved every trip and each one taught me something new. But...they weren't true vacations.

So, yeah...I'm gettin' outta' here!!!!! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store this weekend!!!!! I'll be sure to write a great big blog about it when I return!!!!!

Say a Prayer for safety and good weather!!!!! ;-)

Love Auburn...Hate Bama...

2008-09-06T01:32:00.003-05:00

So...Auburn plays Southern Miss tomorrow. Not too worried, but it's just difficult to predict sometimes. I NEVER know about 'em. However, I'm gonna' venture out and call it...Tigers win.

Guess it's too much to ask Tulane to whip Bama's tail. I don't see it happening, but anything's possible. If you know me, you know I'm Praying for that Miracle tomorrow. I don't care who it is that beats 'em...I just want 'em beat. I HATE Alabama...

They win their first game against a team who was ranked number nine and they're already goin' crazy. How in this world was Clemson ranked nine?! They're horrible!!!!! Whatever the reason, Bama fans are already shootin' their mouth off...just like they have the past six years. The famous line..."Just wait 'til next year." Next year comes, they lose a few games and the line changes to, "Oh, well...it'll take him a few years to build the program," or "We knew it wouldn't be a good year," or "I knew they wouldn't win this game." Gosh...so predictable in their comebacks.

Not too sure Auburn will have a good year this year. It really makes me nervous when they start the year with a high ranking. This could possibly be the year Alabama beats us. They'll have the home field advantage and they're out for blood. Who knows, though...it'll always be a great game. Gosh...I'm already gettin' nervous!

It'll be interesting to hear the "other team's" feelings after tomorrow. They'll probably be 2-0. Guess they'll have Nick Satan riding in on a donkey and people waving palm branches all around. If he loses to Auburn again, they'll have him on a cross. That's just the way they work down there in Tuscaloser.

Love Auburn. Hate Bama. Great philosophy.

Complete...

2008-09-05T13:57:00.009-05:00

So...here I am 32 and not married. Not at all where I thought or planned to be. Not only am I not married...I don't even have a boyfriend. No prospects of a boyfriend, either! As of right now, there's no promise of marriage in my future. Pretty much stinks.

Around these parts, most folks have the goal and mindset to graduate high school, try the college scene for a while, possibly graduate, get married, and have kids. That's pretty much the order of things. For some, marriage is the next step out of high school. College isn't even an option simply because it's unbearable for the two lovebirds to be apart.

Guess I've never really marched to the beat of the average drummer. I've always been a bit different. Some people might even call me "special." ;-) I don't mind being unique, but gosh...I'm ready to blend in a little and get hitched!!!!!

For years and years, I wondered what was wrong with me. I mean...I thought I had to've been doing something wrong for me not to be married. I'm too ugly. I'm too fat. I'm too outgoing. I'm too short. I'm not close enough to God. I've done too many things wrong in my life and now God is punishing me. I'm not prissy enough. I'm not girly enough. Yeah...everyone of those thoughts ran a million miles a minute in my mind everyday. Not once in a while. Everyday. It was exhausting.

It's not that I haven't had the opportunities. Jeremy proposed to me my senior year of high school. We had been dating a year. It totally wasn't right, though. Nothing about that relationship was done the right way. He was two years older than me and in the Air Force. I would've been shipped off to his base in Japan. Nah...I don't like him that much. ;-) Good guy. Wrong timing.

Jeff proposed to me my first year at Lee. We had been dating two years and he played football at Mississippi College. Wonderful man of God and an awesome evangelist. Our visions were way too different. He saw me becoming like his Mom...old school Church of God, no jewelry, hair in the PHD (Pentecostal Hair Do) bun, no make-up (and you guys know I need make-up!), and skirts/dresses 24/7. Nah...I don't Love him that much! Wonderful man. Two different visions.

Ralph (yeah...you read it right. Ralph) never proposed, but we dated for six months. We ended it about two years ago. He lived in Nashville...I lived in Alabama. He was heavily involved in his job. I was heavily involved in Ministry. He had a vision of advancing in the police force. I had a vision of leading Worship and being in full-time Ministry. Yeah...it would've never worked. Awesome guy. Unequally yoked.

I've had my dates, crushes, stupid incidences here and there, and weak moments all along the way. Have I felt lonely? Oh yeah...lots of times. Who am I kiddin'...all the time. I desperately want that "special someone," the man I've waited for all my life, the one I was created to spend the rest of my life with.

Okay...before I go on, I know there are those reading this that are making statements like this: "Jesus is the only One that can complete you." "Let God fill that void." "Just date the Lord for a while." "Singlehood is a gift. Take advantage of it." Any of those statements sound familiar? They sure do to me!!!!! Most people who advise me on those statements are those who either just got married or have been married for years upon years and have like 20 kids. So, please...don't feed me those lines! ;-)

Nah...I know all those statements are true. Very true. The Lord fills any and every void. He has been who I've wanted and needed time and time again. However, it's just natural to long for the other physical half. Over time, I've come to discover a lot about myself. I've realized the beauty of security and being able to stand all alone, yet be complete. I see the power of not following the crowd, not settling for just anything, and holding firm to the vision I know He has given me.

People say I'm too picky. Well...yeah, I am. I'll admit it. Not very particular in the physical, but very much so in the Spiritual. Don't mistake these two things, though. One...I don't want someone who's three feet tall or one tooth in his head. I mean...I want him to be at least a little attractive! Two...I don't expect him to be perfect...just to Love Jesus and be passionate about Him. I knew when I answered the call to Ministry (the summer before my senior year) that I couldn't marry just anybody.

I can't count the number of people who've wanted to set me up and who've introduced me to random guys here and there. I wish I had a dime for everytime I've heard, "Oh, Sherrie...I've got a guy you've GOT to meet!!!!!" I wish I had a penny for everytime I thought "...this could be the one." It's as if I've been consumed with it for years. One reason I'm so concerned...simply because I feel like a huge half of me is missing. The other reason...because of what people think.

As I mentioned earlier...'round these parts, people get married either right out of high school or soon thereafter. Up north, out west, in bigger cities...most people are concentrated on advancing their careers and save marriage for later. Not here. Three or four years ago, it wasn't that I was really ready to get married. I just wanted to "fit in." All my friends are married or have children. I'm the oddball, so I wanted to tie the knot really bad. Now...I'm really ready. I know I'm ready.

I know there've been rumors about me...rumors wondering why I'm not married, why I date guys that live in other towns, if I'm straight or gay, or if something's wrong with me. These rumors and questions would've been taken much easier if they had been talked about by people who don't really know me. Wouldn't have hurt so bad. Rather, it's been people I Worship with, people I Love, people I trusted, people who really know me. Funny thing is...I know exactly who has said what and they don't even know it.

Yeah...those rumors and questions add just a little more to the hurt and loneliness I feel. It's awesome and amazing how adversity has made me stronger...how it's made me run just a little faster and chase just a little harder after Christ. How incredible is the strength He gives in weakness, when facing persecution, when looking in the faces of those who've wounded me and still pretend to not have said a word.

Am I complete? Well...yeah. I believe I am. Maybe not physically, but that's not the important part, right? Spiritually, I am more confident now than ever. I've made it 32 years staying strong in my morals, my vision, my Faith, and in the promise He has given me. I haven't compromised in giving myself away. I'll say it...I'm a virgin and I'm proud of it. Some may scoff. Some may laugh. You can smirk and giggle at the very woman of God that has exhibited more will power than some could or would ever have.

Let me make myself clear, though...I'm completely aware of two things. One...it wasn't me keeping myself strong. I have had more weak moments than I could or would want to count. It has been the Grace of God and in His strength that I made it out of those situations remaining whole. Two...I'm definitely not perfect. Though I haven't gone "all the way," I have flirted with that boundary way too many times. Some may think it's cocky...I call it humility. I know it wasn't me.

Am I proud of myself? HECK, YES!!!!! I can stand and say it CAN be done. I'm so thankful I can stand in front of students and adults and make the word "virgin" cool again...to make students want to stay pure. It amazes me how people can shout during service, weep and cry in Prayer, sing and Worship our Father, yet can't be in a relationship without giving themselves away over and over. Somehow it becomes justified by saying, "I just got caught up in the moment." It's not okay...it'll never be okay. I'm living proof that people won't die or explode without sex. ;-) People are dying and going to hell...people are hurt, depressed, abused, and feel no purpose in life. Then, there's me. My biggest problem and concern is getting married. How selfish can I be?

I can't wait 'til my marriage, until my honeymoon night...being able to look at my husband and say, "I waited for you all my life and Loved you before I even knew you."

Don't look at me and say or think, "I wish Sherrie could find someone." I have. I found me. I am complete.

Celebrate Recovery...

2008-09-04T14:54:00.004-05:00

About a month ago, I was asked to come lead Worship at Celebrate Recovery. It's at Genesis Church in Guntersville. I hate to say it, but I had mixed emotions. On one hand, I was a bit hesitant because I have Praise Team practice that night and because I have SO much going on at the moment. On the other hand, I was ecstatic just knowing I would have a chance to learn from these recovering addicts. I knew they could teach me a lot about true Freedom.

I immediately began calling the Praise Team, Praying about the songs, and making plans to visit the church beforehand so I would know exactly what instruments we needed to bring (yeah...take notice of the wrong order. Prayer wasn't first. Keep reading and you'll see my lesson learned). I took my whole lunch break making sure all the arrangements were clear and everybody knew what was going on. I was so excited...we had over half the Praise Team going. Keyboard, drums, guitars, saxophone, vocals...these people are gonna' flip out!!!!! I was determined to go in there singing about and proclaiming Freedom. I just knew people would be dancing all over the place. With loud music and tons of instruments/vocals, how can people just sit still? That's just it, though...I was so dependent on music and instruments and vocals that I was overlooking the ANOINTING.

There seems to be an art to Praise and Worship leaders these days. We know just when to do a keychange, cut out the music and let the drums kick it, make the right facial expressions, when to make it soft and get increasingly louder, use the right lingo and ad libs, do some cool beat here or there, and--of course--we can't forget the media in the background. People standing on the edge of cliffs with their hands raised surrounded by rushing water seems to make the whole Worship experience just a little more meaningful, right? Any of this sound familiar? It sure does to me. I'm the queen at all the aforementioned (big word, huh?).

Please...don't get me wrong. Bringing all the senses together to form a great Worship experience is crucial. I believe all of it gels to create an atmosphere that can certainly be meaningful. However, I find myself getting caught up in the mixture of media and harmony that I forget one simple, powerful, lifechanging, and main ingredient...the Anointing. So...here I go walking into Genesis all bold, confident, and proud. All the musicians and vocalists following me...I was like a proud mother. "Just wait 'til they hear us. They're gonna' go nuts." That's the thought running through my mind. I just knew that place would never be the same and they'd be talking about us the rest of their lives.

Well...it didn't happen that way. They had a great time and people were Praising, lifting hands, jumping, smiling, crying...all the outward expressions of Worship, but no inward indication of change. The whole time we were on the platform, I felt as if the Lord was teaching me a lesson. That lesson: just think what they would've experienced had I been concerned about the Anointing first.

They asked me to come back the next week, then later offered me the position as Praise leader for Celebrate Recovery on Thursday nights. Just goes to show me that He can work even when my mind isn't in the right place. The second time I went back, it was just me, Brian, and Jenny...our vocalists. No other instruments...just me on the keys and Brian and Jenny singing. It was wonderful. It was powerful. It was real. It was Anointed.

Wow...their Worship was so inspiring. It was so obvious that it came from deep, deep within. I understand that we all have our own "thorns in the flesh." We all have our things we can't and won't live without. I say, "Jesus, You're all I want. You're all I need." Is that really what I mean, though? Nah...I'm not there, yet. I'll readily admit that there are a million things and people I put before Him. I've fooled myself and others for way too long by saying I'll give up anything for Christ. I want to think that and I believe one day I will. For right now, though...I'm trying to be there. I can definitely say that I want to be there.

These people? They know what "binding the strong man" really means. Every minute for them is spent conquering a craving that could easily kill them. I look at them...some have horrible scars, a few with limbs missing, lots with very few teeth, many with scars. Many of us look the other way...pretend not to notice them. Even more, most fool themselves into thinking they're somehow "better" than the addict walking down the street. I can't lie...I've had that same thought. Guess it's easy to think that for me. I mean...I've been raised in the Beaver Cleaver home...amazing parents who've been married for 46 years, an incredible sister, two hilarious brothers, and money enough to do and have whatever was needed or wanted.

The more I Worship at Celebrate Recovery, the more I realize I'm a millisecond away from being in their shoes. It's by God's Grace only that I am where I am. It could've been me born into an addict's home. Probably should've been me that was placed in an abusive household. I had nothing to do with it...it was the Lord's Hand that has saved--and still continues--to save me. I stand alongside them in Praise and Worship knowing and understanding we're all just a blink away from each other.

The amazing thing about Worship...the fragrance is still the same no matter what vessel it comes from.

So Thankful...

2008-09-01T18:58:00.008-05:00

Okay...so I got a call last night at 9:30 from the director of DHR. He asked if I'd like to volunteer at a shelter for the hurricane evacuees today. I jumped at the chance. So this morning at seven, I was at the Snead State Junior College coliseum. I wasn't really sure what to expect. Pictures of the Superdome from Katrina kept flashing in my mind. Of course, I knew it wouldn't be that extreme, but still...I was nervous.

I drove up, parked my car, and started to walk in. Immediately, I was met by a volunteer worker asking me to speak to a woman experiencing severe anxiety about the whole situation. I rushed to her and asked if we could sit outside and talk. Reluctantly, she came with me.

She began talking before we even sat down. She spoke of her three children...two in Oklahoma and one in Atlanta. All were in their 30's and she in her 50's. After Hurricane Katrina, her children left New Orleans for good and have never returned. She went back to try it once more and had just finished remodeling her home...everything was paid for. About five minutes into the conversation, she began crying and said, "I don't want to experience another Superdome."

No wonder she was experiencing such anxiety! She walks into a Coliseum, is herded through numerous lines, marked with a wristband, and given a slip of paper that would inform her of her row and cot number. All of it seemed too familiar to her. I continually assured her this would be no "Superdome experience" and asked what I could do to make her feel more safe. To my surprise, she began speaking in detail about the Superdome.

"There was no heat. No lights. It was me and my four grandchildren. I couldn't even find my children. There was no cell phone service and no way of getting in contact with my family or friends. The day time was severely hot and the night time was severely dangerous. Everything I had was stolen. I lost everything." Before I knew it, effortless tears began streaming down my face. All the sudden, she said something that shocked me. "I'm thankful for it all. I regained my Faith."

Later on in the day, I came in contact with Tyrone. His fiancee' had just been taken to the hospital because her ankles were so swollen she couldn't walk. They had been on a bus for 24 hours straight. Tyrone and Francis were both in their 50's and had just found each other. "I used to live my life on my own terms," Tyrone said. "The Lord broke me down through so many experiences. Those experiences made me humble. I would experience all the loss all over again."

What? These people lost it all...their families, their homes...everything. Are they really saying they would experience it all over again? How can they say that? All that hurt...all that pain...to say they regained their Faith and would do it all over again...amazing.

Just two days ago, I was concerned about the Auburn game. Yesterday, I was worried about the students remembering their parts in a drama. This morning, I was reconsidering even going to the coliseum because I was so sleepy. These people picked out one set of clothing, a few pictures, and deeds to their house and were completely prepared to live with nothing but those few items. They had prepared themselves to go back to nothing.

Today, I remembered what Ministry really is. It's not about making sure everyone plays and sings the right notes. Who cares if the video skips? The lighting doesn't matter. The staff badges aren't a priority. It's not that those things can't and don't play an important role in effective Ministry. I understand that everything should be excellent and being relevant is crucial. However, there's a beauty in being stripped of everything but Loving words, sweet hugs, and a kind handshake. Somehow, it causes a harsh reality to slap me right in the face.

I applaud the sermon that drives me to be where the hurting people are. I weep when I hear about the victims of abuse, abandonment, loss, and addiction. I stand and support the programs that teach a better way, encourage the depressed, and Heal the brokenhearted. My heart is there. I know it's the right thing. But, am I really willing to shake the hand of one whose hand could be infected or dirty. Am I seriously ready to hug the neck of the man or woman that smells like alcohol or cigarettes. What if that smell gets on me and someone thinks I've been smoking or drinking? I'm embarrassed to say it, but those have been my thoughts many, many times.

I firmly believe we are living in a time where people want the "real." Sister Ginger Sheppard and I have talked about this in length several times. Big screens in the Sanctuary? Almost every church has those. Perfect microphones, awesome sounding drums, monitors that sound crisp and clean? That's typical these days. Words on the screen and motion backgrounds? Yeah...got 'em. Sound booth that has the most recent soundboard and a lighting system that'll blow someone's mind? Yep...got that, too. As awesome as all those things are, they can't hold a hand or hug a neck.

What I believe people want now is to know they matter...to know someone will leave that soundbooth just to come and shake their hand, show them around the church, and to leave their little clique just to come and sit with them during the whole service. I could see it in her eyes this morning...she just wanted someone to hug her. All I did was ask Tyrone how he was doing and if he needed anything. It was as if I had asked the magical question because he began talking about his whole life story. What did he need? Someone to listen. How simple.

So, yeah...I learned a lot from the evacuees. They didn't need the perfect Worship song or a great sermon. All they needed was me. My handshake. My hug. My ears to listen. My voice to say, "I Love you. Let's Pray." To have someone sit next to them on their cot and all their belongings in the world, grab their hands, Pray a simple Prayer, and to hug them...someone to actually spend more than five minutes with them. That's all they wanted. That's all they needed.

I'm thankful for the evacuees. They thought I was helping them. They just didn't know how bad I needed them.

WAR EAGLE!!!!!

2008-08-29T15:42:00.006-05:00

Oh my goodness...it's here. Tomorrow's the day.

WAR EAGLE!!!!!

My favorite time of year...college football. Can't wait 'til tomorrow!!!!!

2008-07-31T23:20:00.005-05:00

Wow...my very first blog. I don't know how to start or what to say! I've never been too good at this sort of thing...opening up to a blank canvas. Guess I'll start by sharing a little part of my life with whomever chooses to read. Just a few things I've been learning here and there...

In October 2005, my life changed forever. That Tuesday morning on my way to work, I picked up my cell phone and hit speed dial five...my sister, Melanie. It went straight to voicemail, so I went to speed dial six...her and her family's house. No answer. To some, no answer after several attempts is no big deal. For me and Mel, however, it was anything but normal. We spoke every morning no matter what...and it didn't stop there. Numerous times throughout the day, we would call just for the heck of it or because we saw something funny or because we were upset and needed to vent. That was the beauty of our sisterhood and best friendship. We didn't need a reason to call...we just did.

So, yeah...that morning was concerning and the concern increased throughout the day. 10:00 a.m. and no answer. 11:15...nothing. Lunch time...straight to voicemail. All afternoon...not a word. I thought perhaps she was covering a big story. Ya' see, Melanie was a journalist...and the best journalist there ever was. She wasn't just a reporter. She was a legend. To me, she was the best kept secret in the newspaper world. Many papers knew of her work and treasured her ethics, integrity, and morality. She was crucial to every company she worked for. So yeah...I thought maybe she was out digging around for information about her story on meth. Then again, Cody's in school. He's been doing well, but still has a few issues. Since Mel and Paul adopted him at two years old, he's gone through periods of highs and lows. Nine year olds can certainly have their days, so...maybe she's at his school dealing with something.

I left work at 5:00 p.m. That night was a bit different 'cause I had nothing at church and no meetings to attend. I was actually able to go home and just chill out. The minute I walked outta' my office door, I was hitting speed dial five again. Still nothing. I tried calling my Mom to see if she had heard from Mel, but couldn't reach her, either. I stopped by Pink Dance Studio to drop off a CD to Randi. We spoke for a bit, then I headed to the house. I got about five miles from home and decided to try once more. I hit speed dial six. That one call threw the whole course of my life into a whirlwind. My Faith would be soon be tested. My sanity put to the test.

My brother-in-law answered. "Hey, Paul! Where's Mel?"

"Sherrie...where are you?"
"I'm a couple of minutes from the house."
"Sherrie...you need to pull over."
"Why? What's up?"
"Sherrie...are you stopped?"
"Yeah...what's wrong, Paul?"
"Sherrie...your sister has passed away."

All I can remember the five minutes after that statement is the sound of my heart breaking and cries of absolute anguish and sorrow. I've never felt such physical and emotional hurt. Those words reached a depth in my stomach that I never knew existed. As crazy as it sounds, I seriously felt as if I had an out of body experience. I've never screamed like that. I've never ached like that.

Somehow, I made it home. I honestly don't remember that drive. When I arrived home, my parents weren't there and it scared me to death. My first thoughts were, "They've left for Columbus and forgot about me." I had no one there. I called my Mom...no answer. I called my Dad...no answer. "They've forgotten about me. How am I going to drive four hours to Columbus, GA like this?" In my chaotic state of mind, I seriously believed my family had forgotten about me and left me there.

The only person I knew would answer the phone was Randi simply because I had just left her work. She answered and I could do nothing but scream. I remember her asking, "Who is this?" Somehow...some way...she understood what I was saying and said she'd be at my house in a few minutes. I remember hanging up the phone, getting out of my car, and falling to my knees. All I could do was cry. It was the deepest cry I've ever known...the most hurt I had ever felt. Everything around me was a blur until I heard someone honking a horn.

There came my Mom down the driveway. Just like normal, she had the window down and a smile on her face. I suddenly realized she had no idea that her oldest child and closest friend had been stripped from us. Even more, the realization that I was the one that would have to tell her left me speechless. The closer she got to me, the more she realized the look of shock and horror on my face. The smile grew to concern and worry, then worry to absolute fear. She knew something terrible had happened, but I know she could've never imagined it would be something like this.

"What's wrong? What's happened?"
"Mom...have you talked to Paul?"
"No. Why?"

All I could do was shake my head and fall to my knees once again.

"Sherrie? Where's Melanie?"

How could I say it out loud? To this day, I can't say those words. I can't even type them now. I tried to say it, but I couldn't. My Mom--still sitting in her vehicle--began beating the steering wheel and let out a scream I'll never in a million years forget, but will try to erase it for the rest of my life. She knew. I didn't have to say it. She knew.

Immediately after that, my Dad drove up. He had no idea. He knew something wasn't right. I was on my knees crying and my Mom almost unable to walk. She went straight to him and all she could say was, "Melanie. Melanie." My Dad grabbed his chest and they embraced. They just held on to each other as if they were each other's physical support. Support is exactly what they became to each other in the weeks, months, and years to come.

My brothers...I had to tell my brothers. I called Keith first...no answer. I called Franklin...no answer. As I began walking back to my parents, my cell phone rang and it was Keith. To be honest, I don't even know what I said. All I could do was cry. To this day, I have no idea what I said or how I said it. I remember Frank's call a little more than Keith's. Somehow and in some way, he understood what I was trying to say. Between the gasps for breath and my broken voice, he knew what had just happened. He had to hang up. In the blink of an eye, four siblings dwindled to three. Mel was our hero, our role model, the oldest. She was the one that held us together...the one that advised us, bossed us, and made us better people. She was everything to us.

It was as if the news spread like wildfire. I think that's probably the best thing about living in a small town...everybody knows everybody and they all come together in times of trouble. Randi was the first one there, then Sister Ginger, then Brother Robin and Mrs. Luann...before I knew it, there were probably 20 people there. All we could do is cry. Some sat with us. Others packed our bags. They knew we had a long drive ahead of us.

If she had been in a car accident or in the hospital, it would've been different. There would've been hope. That wasn't the case. It was already over. It was the longest drive of our lives. The grief came in waves. It wasn't just grief, though...it was shock. We would sit in silence, then one would start sobbing. It was like...it just hit us. "Is this really happening? Am I seriously going to Columbus for this reason? Did I just lose my sister, my best friend, my hero?" At that point, the future was very dim.

We drove up to my sister's house. My brothers, sisters-in-law, nephews, and nieces met us at the vehicle. Reality hit when I walked in her house. It was eerily quiet. Her voice was missing. Her laugh was missing. Then, I saw my brother-in-law, Paul. He just sat there...seemingly unable to move. He was hugging my nephew, Cody. I grabbed Cody. All I could do was cry thinking about how he was the very thing she wanted all her life.

One by one, my brothers and their family went home. We all knew the next day would hold events we had never even thought about. I didn't sleep at all that night. Instead, I was in the bathroom throwing up. I never knew emotional hurt could turn into a physical illness. Periodically, I would go into the guest bedroom to check on my parents. They didn't sleep, either. At one point, I went to their bed, knelt down beside it, and just cried. I slept with my nephew that night...he on the top bunk and me on the bottom. He didn't sleep...just tossed and turned. At times, I would say, "Cody...I Love you." He would respond in a broken voice, "I Love you, too, Sherrie."

The next morning, I found out the very thoughts that plagued my nephews all night long. He came in the kitchen and went straight to Paul. His eyes were red and voice extremely shaky. "Dad...can I still live with you or do I need to find another place to live?" This little boy they rescued at two years old had found seven years of complete security...Melanie and Paul. He was so scared. We surrounded him and hugged him like never before. It was clear from that point on that our mission was to make him understand he is our's forever. We are his forever. Nothing would ever change that.

We went to the funeral home. Paul wanted me to pick out the casket, the flowers...everything. I picked an ivory casket with doves on the side. Why doves? Because she's now at Peace. She was the lucky one, for she was with our Father. We were the ones left behind to suffer, to grieve, and to long for Home.

Visitation in Columbus was on Thursday night. Wow. What a legacy she left behind. Of course, she was everything to us, but to know she was just that to so many others was a bit surreal. They had only been in Columbus for five years, yet about 600 came to pay their respects. Friday, we came home. We drove up to find tons of cars in our yard and so much food on our table. We weren't alone...so many friends to Pray for us and support us.

Saturday came. I didn't want it to, but it did. It would be final that day. The funeral was at one that day. Visitation was from ten to one. We got to the church and there were already so many. Geraldine, AL...the birthplace of the Hiett family. Everybody knew us and we knew everybody. Melanie was somewhat of an icon there. The line was endless...all the way out of the church and about a mile down the street. Hundred upon hundreds were there...and my Mother hugged everyone of them. She would often say, "I felt like Melanie was in each person there and I wanted as much of her as I could get." I stood in amazement at her. That's the Love of a mother.

Life from October 2005...it's been different. Very different. It'll never be the same. I've learned more about God and my Faith than I ever thought possible. I've learned that I have a choice to live. I've learned who and what real friends are. Most of all, I've learned that I have a legacy to pass down just like Melanie did. I want so much to be to just one person what she was to hundreds...to everyone she came in contact with.

How's this for my first blog? Probably too long and I'm sure not many will want to read this. That's okay. It's the first time I've ever gotten all this out. It wasn't meant to be for you. For once, it was for me. I needed this.

What am I like now? Well...I'm different. I moved to Boaz in August 2007, began leading Worship at a new church in September 2007, and started a new job in February 2008. I've lost 36 pounds and counting. My whole outlook on life has changed dramatically. I'm not the same person I was...and I never will be again.

For a couple of years after losing Mel, I quit living. As a matter of fact, I chose not to live. My choice now...I'm taking her with me. I'm learning to be so much of what she was...a person of Faith, a person of character, a person of integrity, a person chasing after who she knew I could be...who she always told me and believed I could be.

I'm successful. I know I can do anything.

I'll never understand why Melanie was taken so suddenly. I don't know that I'll ever find the reason. However, I've learned and am still learning that I don't have to know. It's not my job to know. My job is to trust Him...and to know it was a perfect Healing. For that, I am grateful. To know it's not the end...that's what keeps me going.

I can't wait...