Complete...

So...here I am 32 and not married. Not at all where I thought or planned to be. Not only am I not married...I don't even have a boyfriend. No prospects of a boyfriend, either! As of right now, there's no promise of marriage in my future. Pretty much stinks.

Around these parts, most folks have the goal and mindset to graduate high school, try the college scene for a while, possibly graduate, get married, and have kids. That's pretty much the order of things. For some, marriage is the next step out of high school. College isn't even an option simply because it's unbearable for the two lovebirds to be apart.

Guess I've never really marched to the beat of the average drummer. I've always been a bit different. Some people might even call me "special." ;-) I don't mind being unique, but gosh...I'm ready to blend in a little and get hitched!!!!!

For years and years, I wondered what was wrong with me. I mean...I thought I had to've been doing something wrong for me not to be married. I'm too ugly. I'm too fat. I'm too outgoing. I'm too short. I'm not close enough to God. I've done too many things wrong in my life and now God is punishing me. I'm not prissy enough. I'm not girly enough. Yeah...everyone of those thoughts ran a million miles a minute in my mind everyday. Not once in a while. Everyday. It was exhausting.

It's not that I haven't had the opportunities. Jeremy proposed to me my senior year of high school. We had been dating a year. It totally wasn't right, though. Nothing about that relationship was done the right way. He was two years older than me and in the Air Force. I would've been shipped off to his base in Japan. Nah...I don't like him that much. ;-) Good guy. Wrong timing.

Jeff proposed to me my first year at Lee. We had been dating two years and he played football at Mississippi College. Wonderful man of God and an awesome evangelist. Our visions were way too different. He saw me becoming like his Mom...old school Church of God, no jewelry, hair in the PHD (Pentecostal Hair Do) bun, no make-up (and you guys know I need make-up!), and skirts/dresses 24/7. Nah...I don't Love him that much! Wonderful man. Two different visions.

Ralph (yeah...you read it right. Ralph) never proposed, but we dated for six months. We ended it about two years ago. He lived in Nashville...I lived in Alabama. He was heavily involved in his job. I was heavily involved in Ministry. He had a vision of advancing in the police force. I had a vision of leading Worship and being in full-time Ministry. Yeah...it would've never worked. Awesome guy. Unequally yoked.

I've had my dates, crushes, stupid incidences here and there, and weak moments all along the way. Have I felt lonely? Oh yeah...lots of times. Who am I kiddin'...all the time. I desperately want that "special someone," the man I've waited for all my life, the one I was created to spend the rest of my life with.

Okay...before I go on, I know there are those reading this that are making statements like this: "Jesus is the only One that can complete you." "Let God fill that void." "Just date the Lord for a while." "Singlehood is a gift. Take advantage of it." Any of those statements sound familiar? They sure do to me!!!!! Most people who advise me on those statements are those who either just got married or have been married for years upon years and have like 20 kids. So, please...don't feed me those lines! ;-)

Nah...I know all those statements are true. Very true. The Lord fills any and every void. He has been who I've wanted and needed time and time again. However, it's just natural to long for the other physical half. Over time, I've come to discover a lot about myself. I've realized the beauty of security and being able to stand all alone, yet be complete. I see the power of not following the crowd, not settling for just anything, and holding firm to the vision I know He has given me.

People say I'm too picky. Well...yeah, I am. I'll admit it. Not very particular in the physical, but very much so in the Spiritual. Don't mistake these two things, though. One...I don't want someone who's three feet tall or one tooth in his head. I mean...I want him to be at least a little attractive! Two...I don't expect him to be perfect...just to Love Jesus and be passionate about Him. I knew when I answered the call to Ministry (the summer before my senior year) that I couldn't marry just anybody.

I can't count the number of people who've wanted to set me up and who've introduced me to random guys here and there. I wish I had a dime for everytime I've heard, "Oh, Sherrie...I've got a guy you've GOT to meet!!!!!" I wish I had a penny for everytime I thought "...this could be the one." It's as if I've been consumed with it for years. One reason I'm so concerned...simply because I feel like a huge half of me is missing. The other reason...because of what people think.

As I mentioned earlier...'round these parts, people get married either right out of high school or soon thereafter. Up north, out west, in bigger cities...most people are concentrated on advancing their careers and save marriage for later. Not here. Three or four years ago, it wasn't that I was really ready to get married. I just wanted to "fit in." All my friends are married or have children. I'm the oddball, so I wanted to tie the knot really bad. Now...I'm really ready. I know I'm ready.

I know there've been rumors about me...rumors wondering why I'm not married, why I date guys that live in other towns, if I'm straight or gay, or if something's wrong with me. These rumors and questions would've been taken much easier if they had been talked about by people who don't really know me. Wouldn't have hurt so bad. Rather, it's been people I Worship with, people I Love, people I trusted, people who really know me. Funny thing is...I know exactly who has said what and they don't even know it.

Yeah...those rumors and questions add just a little more to the hurt and loneliness I feel. It's awesome and amazing how adversity has made me stronger...how it's made me run just a little faster and chase just a little harder after Christ. How incredible is the strength He gives in weakness, when facing persecution, when looking in the faces of those who've wounded me and still pretend to not have said a word.

Am I complete? Well...yeah. I believe I am. Maybe not physically, but that's not the important part, right? Spiritually, I am more confident now than ever. I've made it 32 years staying strong in my morals, my vision, my Faith, and in the promise He has given me. I haven't compromised in giving myself away. I'll say it...I'm a virgin and I'm proud of it. Some may scoff. Some may laugh. You can smirk and giggle at the very woman of God that has exhibited more will power than some could or would ever have.

Let me make myself clear, though...I'm completely aware of two things. One...it wasn't me keeping myself strong. I have had more weak moments than I could or would want to count. It has been the Grace of God and in His strength that I made it out of those situations remaining whole. Two...I'm definitely not perfect. Though I haven't gone "all the way," I have flirted with that boundary way too many times. Some may think it's cocky...I call it humility. I know it wasn't me.

Am I proud of myself? HECK, YES!!!!! I can stand and say it CAN be done. I'm so thankful I can stand in front of students and adults and make the word "virgin" cool again...to make students want to stay pure. It amazes me how people can shout during service, weep and cry in Prayer, sing and Worship our Father, yet can't be in a relationship without giving themselves away over and over. Somehow it becomes justified by saying, "I just got caught up in the moment." It's not okay...it'll never be okay. I'm living proof that people won't die or explode without sex. ;-) People are dying and going to hell...people are hurt, depressed, abused, and feel no purpose in life. Then, there's me. My biggest problem and concern is getting married. How selfish can I be?

I can't wait 'til my marriage, until my honeymoon night...being able to look at my husband and say, "I waited for you all my life and Loved you before I even knew you."

Don't look at me and say or think, "I wish Sherrie could find someone." I have. I found me. I am complete.