I'd Rather Have Jesus...

Alright, so I went to South Carolina the weekend before Christmas to visit the Sheppard family. While there, the Anointed (EXTREMELY Anointed) and beautiful (VERY beautiful) Jason Crabb sang in their church's Christmas program that Saturday night and Sunday morning.

For those who aren't familiar with the hot Crabb, he sang with the Crabb Family...once a very Southern Gospel group now turned pretty contemporary. He's kind've out on his own these days and doing his own thing. The boy can SANG!!!!! I'm thoroughly convinced he was lookin' at me the whole time he was on stage (I was on the front row). ;-)

ANYWAY...

He sang a song I haven't heard in years..."I'd Rather Have Jesus." Granted, cutie Crabb could probably sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" and have everybody in the audience running to the Altar. That's a given. However, what he did with this song was nothing short of amazing. Wait. No. It was nothing short of Anointed. It was more than obvious he meant what he was singing...it Ministered to him long before he ever sang it to us. It's a song that brought me to tears that night and has been stuck in my spirit ever since then. I have literally sang that song everyday for almost a month.

It's not just a song that I've been singing, though. It's a song I've felt as if I've been living for a while. It's in my head constantly. True story...I was in Wal-Mart tonight and caught myself singing it under my breath. I'm sure people thought I was talkin' to myself or something. People walking past me could hear me singing it. It's in my thoughts constantly.

I got in the car after my extremely uneventful trip to "Wally World" and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "I'd rather have Jesus than anything..." And it hit me. He's trying to tell me something. He's preparing me for something. He's wanting those words to go deep in my spirit.

I would rather have Jesus than silver or gold.
I would rather be His than have riches untold.
I would rather have Jesus than houses or land.
I would rather be led by His nail pierced Hand.

Than to be the king of a vast domain
Or be held in sin's dread sway.
I would rather have Jesus than anything
That this world affords today.

I would rather have Jesus than men's applause.
I would rather be Faithful to His dear Cause.
I would rather have Jesus than worldwide fame.
I would rather be true to His Holy Name.

I can't help but think about my life as I sing words like "This is the air I breathe," "You're all I want," "I would rather have Jesus," or "I have fallen in Love with Him."

Really? Honestly? Would I really rather have Jesus than a marriage and children? Would I really rather have Him than nice clothes or a dependable car? Could I really lose all my family and friends and still be satisfied with only Him? I'm sure some are appalled I've even asked those questions. But, really...would I? It's not that I'm questioning my Love for Christ. I'm questioning how much and to what extent I really Love Him.

It's rather easy for me to say Jesus is all I need when He's never been all I've ever had. Saying I'd rather have Him is pretty simple considering I've always had every other option in the world. I'm sick...I take medicine. Real sick...I go to the doctor and whip out my insurance card. I'm hungry (and even when I'm not hungry)...I go to the grocery store, some restaurant, or just make something at home and eat to the point I've made myself sick. I feel alone...I call my family, friends, or push a button for Charter's On Demand and choose one of about a million movies. I'm cold...I look in my closet and grab a random sweatshirt or blanket.

I'm starting to chuckle as I'm typing this. Picture it...I'm laid up on a nice couch covered in a blanket sipping on a sweet Diet Dr. Pepper and just put some thick socks on 'cause my feet got cold, but just turned the heat down 'cause it got a little hot. Everything at convenience...everything at my fingertips. I thought I was gonna' die the other night 'cause I was freezing in my house and I complained about it for a week. I get a little uncomfortable and I start trippin' out.

Really...what if it came down between having Jesus or the big things I take for granted? A house that's warm in the winter and cool in the summer. Food at my fingertips so I won't "starve to death." A comfortable bed I can sleep on after a hard day's work (which ultimately consists of sitting in a plush chair in my own office, walking to/from the printer, and talking on the phone to clients from 8:00-4:30 Monday through Friday and provides me with incredible benefits and retirement). As a matter of fact, I bought myself a brand new mattress not too long ago simply because my other one hurt my back. I'm a baby. I have a small heater siting beside my office chair just in case I get a little chilly. My cable and internet...it's there just in case I don't get too bored and it's super fast so I won't get impatient. I've yet to buy a microwave for my house, so I'm actually having to wait for things to heat up in the stove. Rough life.

I'm sometimes embarrassed of myself. More often that that, I'm disgusted with myself. I talk about and sing about Jesus being all I want, being all I need, and being the air I breathe and all the while I reach for and grab every other option in the world but Him.

Please don't misunderstand me. In no way am I implying that any of the aforementioned aren't Blessings in themselves. God has Blessed me richly and beyond belief. I don't deserve anything I have...not in the least bit. However, I do believe there is a time coming during which I will be tested. I believe the whole world will be tested. We are a Blessed nation...we are also a spoiled nation. It would be very interesting to see how many of us who claim to be so dedicated to Christ and so willing to sacrifice everything for His sake would quickly change our minds once our comfort is threatened or taken away. It's possible I'd be the first one to throw in the towel. I won't dare think too highly of myself.

1st Corinthians 10:12 (The Message)..."Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence."

I'm over trying to impress people and I'm certainly not about to sit here and attempt to come across as if I've got it all together or figured out. I've done that for too many years and it's exhausting. I am who I am and striving everyday to become who I'm supposed to be...who God has Called me to be. I want to be ready when that day of testing comes. I want so badly to say I'll sell or give away everything I have if He asks me to. I think will. I hope I will. Thank God for His Grace and Mercy...that it's His Strength and not mine.

So...here I am just as I am. I'm trying to Love You more, Lord...more and more everyday. Not trying to be anybody but who You're making and molding me to be. Yours.