The Present...

Sittin' at the crib, sippin' on a cold Diet Dr. Pepper, crunchin' on a chocolate rice cake with peanut butter on top, and watchin' Kitty and Gracie play with chew toys and chase each other's tails. Life is...sweet.

Thinkin' about a lot of random things right now: what an amazing, wonderful, beautiful, merciful, and Loving God I serve...how Blessed I am, yet so undeserving of every single thing He's allowed me to have...how my biggest hurt and complaint pales in comparison to the real issues numerous people deal with...and how I believe the Lord is teaching me how to chill the heck out. ;-)

It's becoming more and more clear to me how hard I've been on myself these past several years. There's no way I've judged anybody as much as I've judged myself...no way I've punished anybody as much as I've punished myself. For years and years, I've held myself in the lowest of esteems...treated myself as if I'm the most horrible person on the planet. I'm not sure it's so much of a reflection of what I've felt about me as it is how I've viewed God. It's a bit ironic how I've sang about, counseled on, and told others about God's boundless Love, yet all I've pictured Him as in my life is a stern Judge.

These past few months have been a joyous uncomfort in my life. To most, that phrase would be a blatant oxymoron. To me, however, it is a wonderful reality. I've gone through some trying moments in figuring out what I believe and why I believe it...the things I consider "wrong" versus the things my culture/environment have labeled as "sin." Quite honestly, I'm still figuring those things out...and I've come to the conclusion it's probably going to be a lifelong process. I'm okay with that. We were designed to continually learn, change, grow, and respond.

The world stretches a lot wider and longer than my tiny little corner. Never meaning to and certainly never intentionally, I've placed God in this small little box and have seen what's "right" and "wrong" as viewed by the culture and people I'm surrounded by. There are Biblical truths and personal convictions I refuse to compromise. However, I'm believing--and learning to believe more and more--that God's Grace, Mercy, and Love runs a lot deeper, stronger, and more powerful than I've ever imagined...ever could imagine. He's not a set of rules or laws I have to live by. Rather, He's a Love I can live in, follow, imitate, and grow in.

So, yeah...I'm learning to lay a lot of stuff down. Most of all, I'm discovering that I'm not really that bad of a person! I've got some stuff to offer. Some people reading may interpret that one statement as a bit bragadocious, but...I don't care. If you only knew where I've been, what I've thought about myself, how I've treated myself over the years...you'd be a bit more Forgiving of that sentence.

I embrace my past, for I know it's what has shaped every part of who I am. I'm excited about my future 'cause I know and understand Who's there, Who is planning it, and Who has gone before me. While keeping those two tenses in mind and thankful for both, I must say...I'm finally at Peace with the "now" and learning more and more to enjoy it...

He is God I Am...forever living in the present, so that's where I want to remain.