Epiphany...

There's something about coming to a place in life where you realize who you are and who you are not.

There's something about realizing that anything is possible if the mindset is right.

And...there's something about remembering how big the world is. It's much bigger than just one person, one family, one church, one organization...one anything. No ONE thing should dictate a mood, a hurt, or a day.

There's also something about eyes being opened to understand that presence of absence (if that makes any sense) can be a good thing.

There's something about knowing deep down that the only things needed are food, water, shelter, and clothing...and a relationship with Christ. Nobody "needs" anybody...we want them.

Without going into great detail and without repeating previous posts...I'm beginning to feel like a rather different person these days...inside and out. I don't know why and I don't fully understand it, but...it's as if a light has just popped on in my head. Geez...I'm only 34! It's about time!

I've been wrapped up in a few things, people, issues, concerns...just "stuff." One of the MAJOR problems I have is internalizing things, taking things too personal, and making it about "me." I can't believe I'm saying this, but...it's REALLY not about ME! WHAT?! HAHA! (just kiddin')

I constantly overanalyze, overly criticize myself (and others), and I reach a point of hurt way too quickly. I TRULY, TRULY believe it's because I've had ZERO confidence in myself.

I've been "sweatin' the small stuff" WAY WAY WAY too much...in EVERY area. Maybe I've reached this point 'cause I'm simply tired! My mind is tired! I see one small thing, think about it for a while, then it just gets bigger and bigger in my mind.

Proverbs 17:14, "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so, drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." (New International Version)

Hey, Sherrie...LET IT GO! Daggum...I gotta' just LIVE. Have fun!

Here it is...I have made life difficult most times for no other reason but ME.

I'm beginning to realize I can do anything I want to do. I don't need anybody's permission or anybody's belief. I can do it on my own.

(for the overly Spiritual out there who are gearing up to call me out...God IS and understood here)

Obviously, everybody wants close friends, encouragement, and accountability. However, it is NOT someone else's responsibility how far I go, if I reach my goal, or to keep me happy. I've used a lot of excuses and crutches in my life...I can come up with a million of 'em.

Maybe I'm behind the times and perhaps this is something you've learned long ago. It's something I've always known, but something I never lived.

So...for those in my far and recent past whom I have depended on too much, talked about my "issues" with too much, sucked the life out of too much, worn out my welcome with, and disappointed too much...I absolutely, totally, and 100% apologize. I don't need you anymore. I want you.

I can do this life thing. I want to do it.